Goodbye Innocence
by Revolver OtaconAj
Summary: What is the worse pain a human being can bare? As Ran and Conan find out, pain and tragedy is a unavoidable side effect of the dark world they live in.
1. Intoxication

**_Trigger Warning: If you have been sexually assaulted or are uncomfortable with this dark subject matter, I'd understand if you decided to skip this story. I try my best to write this as maturely as possible but I know I'm still immature as a writer. I know it's kinda hypocritical since I write things like this all the time, but as a writer, I always try to challenge myself to see if I have the chops. This is no different. If the trigger warnings don't apply, please enjoy this dark look into the way women are treated in Japan. Also if you've been sexually assaulted, please call the Rape Hotline at 1-800-656-4673. I've always hated fics that don't take this subject seriously and I'm not going to make the same mistake.- Aj_**

 _Ran ran. Or at least_ _she tried._

 _Her legs felt like they were made out of jelly. It was a miracle she could make a staggering walk, her trembling calves almost tumbling like a doe that just learning how to walk. She felt sick and dazed, like how she imagined her dad felt when he was drinking… But she never did and would never drink… Would she?_

 _She could barely make out the colors around her around her, let alone the finer details of her surroundings. But that didn't matter as she suddenly felt so tired, very tired, so sleepy…_

 _She tumbled onto her left knee barely catching herself with her palms. It was if all her strength had been sapped out of her, like a Vampire was sucking her blood while she slept._

 _The last bit of awareness she had, was reaching for her phone in her pocket, to call Shinichi, Sonoko, her dad, **anybody**._

 _But she reached out for it, she realized her shorts were gone and that the only thing covering her most private area was her white panties._

 _As her entire body slackened, all she heard was laughter._

.

.

.

 _Currently Ran's consciousness were inebriated. All she felt was certain stimuli._

 _One of them was pain and touch._

 _She vaguely felt something slimey go into into her mouth gagging her, almost causing her to vomit, She felt intense pain on her chest, legs, and in between them…_

 _And she could hear, though she might not have understood exactly what they meant._

" _Ah look she's moaning, she must really like it! Maybe I can make her call out my name..."_

 _Strangely, she called out for her dad, as if she was a little girl again… She vaguely remembered him giving her charms and some contraction called "monster spray." But it disappeared like a ship in the night, and was replaced by a memory of Shinichi._

 _She opened her eyes and saw monsters, shadowpeople. She tried to struggle but her arms were held down as they weakly tried pushing the monsters away, once again a little girl having a nightmare._

 _._

.

.

" _Ah shit, she just pissed all over me!" The younger of the three begun to violently punch her, until stopped by the leader when he started striking her face._

 _Clutching the arm, he gave the newbie a threatening look that could cut through steel. "Don't hit her face! She wont be pretty elsewise." That was a lie. From hair to feet the girl's body was perfect but he wanted to recognize her when he did her. Though his turn was over, he still derived sick pleasure at the Kanto champ writhing in pain. Judging from the way she bled, she had been a virgin._

 _That gave him sick satisfaction, knowing that Shinichi Kudo would have sloppy seconds._

" _But it disgusting down there…" The newbie complained, making the leader roll his eyes. They were in a disgusting back alley and this is what the newbie complained about? The idiot was already wondering why that they didn't fuck her at the house. What if someone came across them while they were doing her?_

 _Besides the bitch was so naive, she deserved this._

 _The elder frowned, annoyed and at his wits end. "Turn her over and do her in the back then… Hey wait a minute… Shouldn't she be breathing?"_

 _That snapped out of his rage. When newbie hit her, she hadn't reacted in the slightest. The leader didn't expect for her to come rising like a zombie but surely even dough has more of a reaction then that._

 _Dread coursing through his icy veins, he checked her pulse and felt nothing._

" _Shit."_

.

.

.

Kogoro rushed to the hospital, surprisingly sober despite having slept off a drink just a few minutes ago.

 _A call this late?_ All his frayed nerves could tell was that it was in the middle of the night, as the sky hadn't gone from indigo to cerulean yet.

The sleuth had fallen asleep on the floor, a common sight in the Mouri Household. If you wanted bonus points, count the number of beer bottles and cans and see how much money he could have made from recycling alone.

Crumbs caressed his chin. Kogoro tried to ignore the landline but no matter how much he covered his ears, it kept ringing and ringing, a awful clamor like the gods were whistling in his head. Realizing that the kid would wake up if he didn't something immediately Kogoro was two seconds from hanging it up when he managed to register that Ran was in the hospital.

Had he been even slightly more drunk, it was likely that he would missed the call entirely.

His parental instincts made him too panicked to think about the implications or any other more pertinent questions. In a blur of confusion, he had arrived at Beika Hospital. Screaming he pushed his way to the front desk, pelting a old lady to the linoleum floor.

"Where's my daughter!" He nearly slipped off of the counter but held on just in time. The young nurse at the front desk had the countenance of fright but he was too pissed and afraid to be sympathetic.

"Sir, please, wait in line-"

He slammed his fist on the desk, causing the nurse to walk backward in fear. "Dammit, I just got a call saying my little girl is in the hospital! If you don't tell me where she is, I'll rip _you_ and this fucking place apart until I find her!" In frustration, he picked up a chair and threw at her, causing the nurse to duck and huddle in the corner in terror.

Falling back frightened, the poor nurse screamed, "SECURITY!", like a loud hissing Parrot.

Then they came upon him, restraining him as he struggled to get out of their grasp. Kogoro may still have been physically fit but the alcohol and the fright had weakened his nerves.

"Stop, STOP!" A doctor came out, screaming, covered in surgical clothing. Mouri's eyes widened and he fell down, suddenly infirm and weak, stooped over his knees.

"Mouri san… I need you to calm down. Here, I'll get you some coffee or would you prefer tea-"

Kogoro weakly lashed out as the doctor tried to grab him by the shoulder. It was as if he had been severely maimed and any dexterous use of his fingers were impossible. Then, any form of masculinity be damned, he begun to bawl on the floor, completely consumed by a dozen emotions happening at once.

"They wont tell me… Why wont they tell me what happened to Ran? I'm her father for gods sake!" Kogoro screamed in utter anguish, too confused and upset to act like he should.

Millions of thoughts pulsed through him at once not a single one of them better then the other. Car crashes, beatings, muggings, all for revenge on the sleeping sleuth. Oddly enough the one fear every parent had didn't cross his mind.

A couple people rolled their eyes at this seemingly overacted display of emotion, but the doctor acted otherwise.

Next thing he knew, Kogoro was sitting down on a bench, holding a mug of coffee, seizing uncontrollably. Whether it was from sobriety or something more primal, the Sleeping Sleuth did not know. Everything had seemed to go so fast before but know his life finally appeared to stop fastforwarding, meaning the tape had gotten back to where it needed to be.

Kogoro could hear a clock ticking, making his skull throb. He briefly put down the mug to rub the hangover from his eyes. Slanting slightly, they noticed then he was in the child's waiting room.

Usually disinclined, he listened. He didn't want to but acting like a child A.K.A how he desperately wanted to react, wasn't going to cut it this time. For once, he had to be an adult.

The doctor explained it as much as he could, but Kogoro was preoccupied with thoughts of his own failings. At one point he told him that Ran's heart had be restarted and Kogoro immediately smashed the mug, horrified that he had lost his daughter.

But the doctor reassured him that she was alive, though he winced in a way that Kogoro immediately picked up on.

It was a small city after all and she was the daughter to a national celebrity. Waves were bound to be made sooner or later and Ran was always friendly to everyone she met.

Then he cleared his throat and Kogoro realized that all the body signals were pointing that he had been reluctantly leading to this. Kogoro couldn't take the suspense…

"Mouri-san… I can't imagine how hard this will be for you to hear but we need your permission…" He left to sit there, suddenly stopping, which disturbed Kogoro too much for words.

But Kogoro was confused. "What do you mean my permission? Permission for what?" Already thoughts of comas and organ donations permeated his mind, but somehow he didn't think it that was what he was talking about.

"Mouri-san… We need your permission to do a rape kit."

And so, without encore and applause, his entire world collapsed in on itself. He felt like he was imprisoned in a black hole. The new world that was now apparating into existence consisted of only the doctor and the soon to be grieving father. They were the only occupants in this abyss they shared together. Struggling to escape, he did what he did best. Kogoro chose denial.

"I'm sorry I couldn't hear exactly what you said, can you repeat what you said?" But a part of him didn't want to repeat it, his mind was shouting at him to call him a liar. Already the tears were falling ceaseless like a waterfall, and Kogoro was the crippled Koi fish, falling in his futile attempts to become a Dragon.

The doctor had a look of absolute regret but suddenly Kogoro exploded.

"No, no, no! You're lying! That didn't happen, not to Ran, never to…" Suddenly acceptance reared its ugly head and his heartbeat made a louder din then anything else.

Kogoro's worse fear, a horror no father ever wanted to comprehend, had come true.

.

.

.

The next thing she knew Ran woke up in the hospital with no memory of the day before. She felt sore all over, as if she had been beaten while sparring.

She smacked her lips, eager to get the strange taste out of her mouth. She could hear the beeping of a heart monitor and feel the pinch were the IV were inserted into her vein. Stunned, when she open her eyes all they could do was spin as the white light blinded her.

But her eyes adjusted, and she could finally see around her.

At first she thought she was alone. But then she saw her father looking down at her.

He gave a pained smile. "Hey, kiddo."

Ran made a feeble attempt to sit up but she suddenly felt a sharp pain all over. A look of panic emerged on his face, causing Ran to pause.

"Otou-san… W-where am I-I?" She suddenly felt super cold, causing her teeth to clatter. Her dad quickly provided her his jacket. She clutched it to her body like a teddy bear.

"Your in the hospital. Do you remember why?" Dad stuttered and glanced toward the door, as if far away.

Ran briefly remembered Sonoko taking her to an event somewhere. Or maybe it was party…

Dad stuttered, before settling on a sigh. "Honey, I don't want to say it… But… But…" Kogoro suddenly smiled. "You were robbed."

Ran couldn't believe what she was hearing. Suddenly, just like that she was back to normal. "EH? What do you mean I was robbed!"

Kogoro gave her a penisive look before rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, my guess is that you were drugged and they robbed you blind." Ran was shocked, realizing that her phone was gone with all her pictures and contacts.

Kogoro laughed, with Ran not noticing the lack of mirth. "Well usually I'd yell at you for doing things like that. But I guess since you are a lightweight unlike your old ma-

Ran immediately through her pillow at him. "I am not! I probably- I- mistook a drink or something for soda! They are made to look appetizing even for little kids like Conan…" Ran slowly turned her head away and blushed, completely embarrassed, promising to kill Sonoko if she had anything to do with this.

.

.

.

Kogoro glanced at the door. "If it makes it feel any better this is the longest time I've been sober in a while…

Ran was too astonished to notice how suspicious her dad was acting. "Really? Does that mean you're giving it up?" Ran's eyes were full of hope and Kogoro couldn't deny her any more happiness.

"Maybe… I'll try harder this time." The answer wasn't a commitment but Ran took it at face value, obviously imagining him and Eri getting back together. Kogoro just couldn't do this to her, it was better if she didn't remember… It would be the first time he had made a hard decision for his child.

But a part of him screamed, _you weren't a father to begin with, why start now?_

Kogoro left, promising to bring the brat here, since he probably had figured out something was amiss. It was truly best this way, Conan wouldn't understand, all he would know what that his nee-san was hurt, so it was truly best this way…

He had taken out of school for the day, claiming he was sick. It was best if he just lied to everyone. After all Ran couldn't press charges and go through a nasty trial where she'd be humiliated if she didn't know.

It had taken a lot of begging and the remnants of the wiles he had forgotten as a detective but he had managed to convince the staff that he was going to tell her eventually. After he was a former cop so why wouldn't he want a private investigation from some of his friends?

He had refused the rape kit despite the objections of her physician, with all the bastards DNA being lost when they cleaned her up. He would later have to go to a pharmacy and get her a Morning After Pill. _The things I do for love._ Kogoro clenched his fists in rage. He know understood the rage he had once judged murderers for.

All he wanted was to kill the bastards but the fear of the pain his daughter would go through stayed his hand. That was more important to him.

Kogoro had been a detective for most of his adult life. If he was telling it to anyone other then himself, he would ask them to go to the authorities despite knowing what _they_ would do. Policemen's pride didn't extend to his family. How ironic.

When he made it outside, the sun had finally emerged. Greens leaves from Katsura's swayed in the air, followed by leaves falling onto the ground. Birds chirped happily, squirrels ran up trees and Kogoro could hear Ran as a little girl, giggling in wonder, playing with Shinichi, asking for piggyback rides, him giving her monster spray, her slowly maturing until she looked akin to her mother.

And guys staring at her lewdly, devouring his little girl with their starved hollow eyes. Maybe there were monsters after all.

Guilt had convinced her doctor to say silent but unbeknownst to Kogoro, the best laid plans of mice and men always go awry.

Even if it was a terrible plan to began with.

.

.

.

 **Yeah I'm sorry I haven't updated, personal things have left me mentally deposed of. I'm surprise I can even reuploud this from my AO3 account.**

 **For those wondering why Kogoro did that, it is not a Idiot Ball and keep in mind that this is Japan. Their rape laws are archaic at best and insulting at worst. Most women blame themselves because ultimately Japan has a large Shame Culture and is backwards in regards to gender equality. Hell the beginning of the manga was right before the Gender Equality Bill was promulgated.**

 **So ultimate Kogoro is making a horrible decision out of the best intentions.**

 **This fic came out of a desire for a type of fic. I apologize if it isn't good and because I betrayed my principles. If your depressed I suggest you call the Suicide Helpline. Your life is worth something. Don't lose your way. ):**


	2. Heaven's Night

Huddled in the corner, holding herself, hemorhaging tears, was the pretty but defeated figure of Sonoko Suzuki. The sun rose over the horizon, a ruddy golden glow that did nothing to rejuvenate the exhausted teenager. Her sister was standing over Sonoko, at times trying to reach out before pulling back, as if unsure of what to do.

 _Ran is usually the who cries like this…_ Just thinking about that made her sob even more. She had lost her, she had been kidnapped by some creeps, doing god knows what. And it was all her fault.

This was supposed to be a fun night, she thought to herself stricken with grief. She had gotten an invite from a aquaintence of Ayako, a really cute undergrad who organized raves, parties and other events around the country for the youth of Japan.

His name was Hiroshi and right now he was the person she hated most in the world. Other then herself of course.

Hiroshi had ran in to them while they were walking to the mall, flattering them by saying that she and Ran looked like college students and deserved to be models. He was cute, looking like he belonged in a J-Pop band, spewing coolness and swagger. Even Ran didn't get that much attention.

For once the Kami were listening and he had noticed her.

That was probably her first mistake. Why would anyone find her gorgeous? Sonoko punched the cement stair next closest to her shoulder, causing Sonoko's wrist to ring like a gong. That would leave a ugly bruise later but the poor girl felt like she deserved more.

Ayako and her friends were arguing with Hiroshi's entourage. Very few were defending him but it was much too late for Sonoko to respect their sudden sense of tact. One of them, a mousy gangly boy with horn rimmed glasses had tried to apologize but after Ayako sent a death glare and a simple slap he ran for the hills.

Curses were flung like shurikens, quite calm compared to the way teenagers bickered. It made Sonoko really appreciate her youth. She never felt more like a kid.

There was a chance that he was genuinely guilty but Sonoko didn't want to see them let alone hear them speak. All she wanted was to be as far away from Hiroshi and his ilk as humanly achievable. Right now she was thankfully downwind so she couldn't but their shadows darkened the other half of her frame, caressing her in pitch darkness.

Bewitched by Hiroshi's charm, Sonoko's heart was set on going. All she had to do was get Ran's support. Sonoko had a glorious masterplan cooked up she couldn't wait to share with Ran. She would resist it but Sonoko was confident she could do it.

Two hours, thirty three minutes and exactly eleven seconds later, Sonoko was starting to get desperate. Ran may have been many kickass things but being rebellious of her deadbeat father wasn't one of them. See, apparently since they were both entrusted with curfews, they couldn't have fun and that was just one of the many numerous doubts Ran expressed.

Sonoko had rolled her eyes at this. Typical. But if the idea of having fun didn't work and telling Ran she owed her one was too on the nose there was one last card up her sleeve; making Shinichi jealous.

Looking back, what she said had been cruel, even if it wasn't the traditional kind. Ran had saved her life more then once and she had the audacity to call in a favor? Manipulation must have unintentionally been her strongsuit.

But one of the reasons she always invited her everywhere was because Ran was poorer then her and deserved some kind of reward for being so kind to everyone despite the way her parents treated each other. And that was how Sonoko justified this. After nearly being killed, why wouldn't Ran go with her to cool off some steam?

Sonoko noticed something crawling on her arm and discovered a ladybug. Usually this would have resulted in screams of terror but in comparison the prior events of the night before, this was tame. In a way, it comforted her, reminding Sonoko of days gone by, playing with Ran and Shinichi…

It was a testament to how present he has been in the past few months that she had forgotten about him entirely. _He should be here._ She thought to herself gritting her teeth.

Sonoko sighed. The anger course through but was gone like a sudden squall. The palpable waves of fury coursed out of her with the passing of her thoughts. At least Shinichi didn't bring Ran to the lions den. Upon looking down, she caressed her outfit. She had never been to a rave before so she had to improvise. She thought she did well.

Sonoko was dressed in a navy blue v neck T-Shirt with Hideki Ryuga splashed on the front, as well as a tight coriander blue miniskirt that ended at the top of her thighs. To go with her clothes, she wore white pumps, trendy hoop earings, and a soft gold necklace she borrowed (stole) from her mother. They both had been so busy with their other obligations, that they hadn't even realized she left. Not like that was unusual.

Upon making it to Poriot Cafe, Sonoko was immediately met by Ran. To say she looked beautiful was the understatement of the entire era. She didn't even have to wear makeup or foundation. Ran wore a sleeveless button down blouse and jean cutoffs that really showed off her curves. Given that it was Ran it was most likely unintentional.

Sonoko whistled at this. Ran blushed in response, causing Sonoko to giggle. "Get in Ran! The night is young and so are we!" The driver had opened the door for Ran, bowing in a display of pomp that made the young debutante appreciate the nameless lackey more.

TAP TAP TAP.

The pitter patter of tiny feet came from the rear. Conan, ironically wise for once, had tried to stop them, she recalled now. "Ran-Neechan don't go!" Whining usually worked but this time Ran was already in the limosuine so she didn't see him as his echoed inside her head. The brat always had a way of ruining their fun. But in a way, Sonoko wondered if the mountain of corpses falling from the sky would have been a better omen that caused less misery.

Sonoko had previously told Ran to lie as to where he was going because Sonoko now knew how annoyingly deductive the brat could be. Ran took some convincing because he doted on the little brat. Usually this would have convinced most six year olds, maybe the additional necessity of a mountain of sweets and toys would have sealed the deal. But Conan was and had always been a weirdo and could figure stuff out easily. Maybe he had too much of Shinichi in him.

Sonoko suddenly snapped out of it. A daydream permeated through her mind and now Sonoko wasn't entirely sure what was real and what had happened next. Memories came out like a slog, Sonoko's head felt like it was being pelted inside and out and the shot that

Ran, for once had snapped at the kid, though it was lighter then Sonoko would have done personally. It was immediately offset by Ran apologizing and promising to spend time with him soon. They also whispered to each other giggling but all the young debutante could make out was 'She is isn't she?'

Fuming all the way there, her intention to kill Conan was offset by actually getting there on time. It was clustered against shops and clubs, touching each other like dyed tooth enamel. The main building where the festivities took place was adorned with a sense of modernity and style, reminding Sonoko of a small movie opening. The centerpiece was a life sized statue of some kind

As big as the building was, the crowd flowed from the doors all the way to the street. Sonoko groaned when she saw how huge the line was but she had gone too far to go back now. Even in line the crowd was wild and rowdy, putting Ran on visible guard.

"Hey!" A voice slurred at their direction. A huge slovenly man rolled towards them, tumbling on his feet and pushing bystanders away. His receeding hairline was spiky and a goatee enveloped his chin like wet spiderweb. Sonoko was reminded of a burly Yakuza but when he spoke, it was akin to hearing Heiji talk. Or perhaps he was drunk. Either way it was nonsensical.

"Ya ta' ladies wanna parrrty?" He said reaching his outstretched hand out towards her chest, tripping along the way. Sonoko covered her breasts with her arms, backing away in disgust. Ran got in front of Sonoko before he could but there wasn't any need for self defense. He immediately fell face first on the pavement.

Out of the corner of her eye, Sonoko saw a smaller hand reach towards the back of Ran's shorts. He was almost half the other guys age but his long bangs prevented the girl from getting a proper look. "RAN WATCH OUT-"

But the reflexes of her best friend were superior to what she originally gave them credit for. Contemptuously blocking and parrying the arm to the side, Ran threw a jab to the solar plexus and a side kick to the jaw. It was over like a flash of lightning.

The crowd immediately cleared a large path away for the cat like teen, clearly not wanting any chance of being the next punching bag. Out of the crowd came the (at the time) most welcome sight of Hiroshi and some security guards, the former looking concerned.

"What the hell happened?" But before either of them could explain, something incredibly odd occurred. No longer staggering or slumped over themselves, the seemingly unconscious drunk spring up like a taketombo, suddenly limber and running on the balls of his feet. His face was no longer red as he tried slapping the other guy awake.

He looked completely baffled and nonplussed. "You idiots! We weren't trying to grope you. We were trying to rob you!" He covered his small mouth upon realizing his mistake. Hiroshi and the security guides exchanged a look, and they ran after the two, with the bigger man comedically carrying his accomplice over his shoulders. It was like a bad light novel come to life. It was weird that at that point Sonoko thought that was the worst part of her night.

Ignoring that, Hiroshi said that he had heard from his cousin, the snooty baka that hit on Ran at the Villa, about the death's that had occurred. Feeling bad for them, he invited them here. They both frowned at this but Hiroshi saved it by saying that he hated him as much as they did, causing a smile to come unbidden from the two girls.

Motioning both the ladies to follow through the thick crowd, clearing out like a bad odor. The carpeted stairs were hell on her pumps but she made it to the top, huffing and wheezing. Leaning down to catch her breath, she turned to Ran and smiled. Ran may have been in top shape but she would have had it easier if she wasn't in high heels.

Sonoko suddenly recalled something she didn't quite remember at the time. Right before they entered Hiroshi had whispered to the bouncer briefly and slipped something in his pocket. Somehow Sonoko thought this was poignant.

It wasn't like she had expected. Flashing lights danced before their eyes, causing strain and headache instaneously. Darkness seemed saturated, almost bright as the spinning color on the ceiling. The music, good as it was, was more akin to thunder poured over pots and pans smashing against each other then anything else. Ran covered her ears but Sonoko didn't plan on just sitting around.

Taking Ran's right hand, Sonoko led her closest friend to the dance floor. Come on Ran, lets dance the stars away! She exclaimed with her eyes twinkling.

Ran, usually open to anything, looked shy and self conscious for once in her life. Probably because none of the guys in the surrounding area were Shinichi Kudo. "But there's so many people around…" But after Sonoko begun her jaunty gig, an exasperated Ran agreed, deciding to support her best friend.

All attention was on them. Their outfits and their contents bounced with the beat, unknowingly drawing the attention of lecherous men and lewd women. At the time Sonoko liked the attention they were getting, basking in it like she was sunbathing. Even Ran seemed to be getting into the groove, a carefree smile plastered upon her face.

As she was going through the motions inside her mind, Sonoko wondered how many of those watching them genuinely liked them. Given how the night transpired, Sonoko felt like she was disgusting for exposing her body in a way that made men lost their civility and had them give into their primal urges.

Sonoko shook her head. No, she couldn't blame herself. That was as bad as blaming Ran. She knew that was exactly what she would say if the situation was reversed. No the guilt…

Oh.

Oh god.

Sonoko's guts felt like they were alive, writhing and coiling around her stomach like some sort of snake. Staggering upwards, she struggled to shimmy her way to the corner, her feet unsteady and uneasy. Gagging, she wretched all over the ground, the alcohol she had ingested earlier returning out of her gullet. It burned going in and so it burned coming out.

Sonoko cried. Now she remembered. She had left Ran.

It was just as the song was ending. The crowd that was gathering threatened to swallow them up but neither of them acknowledged the potential danger. There were an equidistant amount of handsome and ugly young men cheering and clapping for the sight before them to continue. As the song finally ceased Sonoko bowed, expecting to be enveloped by her many admirers.

One guy went forward, Sonoko teased him with a smile. He just shook his head and walked towards Ran, completely ignoring her.

Stunned, Sonoko could only watch helplessly as the entire crowd swallowed up Ran. Just like always, she was getting all the attention because everybody else found her more beautiful then Sonoko.

Crying, she ran away, pushing the rancor surrounding her away. Her eyes hurt from the fact that her makeup was mixing with her tears but she didn't care. She felt ugly, she felt unloved and even though she tried her best not to be, she was mad at Ran.

Why did she leave her alone? She was her best friend and while she didn't know it at the time, Sonoko needed her more then ever. Coughing as she sobbed, wailing out her anguish like Marley with his chains, Sonoko held herself, pretending that Ran was there with her. But that didn't help her in the least.

She had thought she could defend herself. After all, Ran wasn't a badass Karate champ for nothing. But she underestimating the hankering of predators, just so she could have a good time. Was she really was a spoiled brat like Shinichi said, ungrateful for all the love

"Hey Suzuki-San! How are you enjoying the party?" Sonoko couldn't believe her luck. Turning around slowly, she saw that Hiroshi had snuck up of her. Sonoko didn't know whether she could be more embarrassed. Hiroshi quickly noticed that something was wrong.

Suzuki-san are you alright? Putting her game face on, Sonoko lied and said yes. That got his attention.

You were crying… Hiroshi said uncertainly, making Sonoko sob uncontrollably. Seemingly gallant to a fault, Hiroshi pulled out a hankerchief and gingerly dabbed her the eyes, wiping the stained makeup away. Their eyes met, Hiroshi's amber mixing with Sonoko's blue. He truly was handsome…

He shrugged. "You now that your really pretty y'know?" Hiroshi said, rather aloof and coy. Sonoko's heart soared.

For the next twenty minutes, the moment was all about her. Hiroshi was the epitome of suave and charm, never once letting the conversation go quiet. He was funny, he was sweet but most importantly he was handsome and found her pretty. Sonoko had always been average looking and was excited to learn that Hiroshi had felt the same at her own age.

Sonoko didn't have a clue what his intentions were at the time.

And just so, that's when the seduction began. Hiroshi convinced her to down a shot with him. Sonoko had only tasted wine before and she would rather not try beer. I don't know if I'm comfortable with that…" Sonoko shyly avoided Hiroshi's pleading eyes. But Hiroshi was so charming that she felt compelled to do so.

She remembering feeling really dizzy but in a good way. Her brain was swimming but the greatest and simple act of rebellion made her giddy. Laughing, she got more and more drunk, telling him secrets that she hadn't even told Ran.

Really embarrassing secrets.

"Shinichi that baka! He didn't even know I had a crush of him as a kid!"

Hiroshi couldn't stifle his laughter. Recalling it now made it seem cruel and capricious. Really and why not?

Sonoko blushed and turned her head. "It waaass only fur a couple days… He bored me with him being a stupid Holmes Otakau! Of course, Ran clung to him like a barnacle, the baka. BAKA, BAKA, BAKA!" It was amazing how alcohol could convince you to say things you wouldn't say sober.

At the end, Hiroshi asked Sonoko to dance with him. Well more like flailing wildly, but Hiroshi didn't seem to care. She felt like some kind of princess out of a western fairy tale. Slowly Hiroshi leaned in to kiss her lips and Sonoko was so engrossed in the moment, that she got on her tip toes to reciprocate, closing her eyes.

The pressure against her lips was electricity transformed into bliss. Sonoko would have never done this sober but a combination of the alcohol, her insecurities and Hiroshi's faux charm lowered her defenses. The fact that he was basically molesting her didn't help or the fact that it tickled. Sonoko giggled as she tried to put his tongue in her, finding it silly.

Hiroshi whispered something in her ear, kissing it as well. If possible, Sonoko's face became the perfect hue of red, bright as an apple. For the first time since he met him, Sonoko felt uncomfortable being Hiroshi's presence.

Before she could give Hiroshi an answer, the embrace was suddenly broken. Sonoko was confused. "Hiroshi what's wrong?" She slurred as a glazed countenance of fear showed on Hiroshi's face, causing him to back away slowly.

"And what exactly are you doing here?" A quiet but familiar voice echoed behind her. Sonoko froze in place, her teeth clenching like a vice. She knew that tone too well. Well not that exact tone. It was usually her mother who had it. If anything about the situation could be said it that it was not as bad as it could have been. Any potential solace could not be granted however.

Ayako, unlike her little sister was not prone to anger or any sort of sudden outburst of emotion at the very least. She was always the goodie two shoes, who always studied hard and was the one who listened to mom and dad like clockwork. She didn't even drink when she reached the legal age, But this time not did she look angry but her eyes were open. That definitely wasn't a good sign.

In retrospect, the fact that Hiroshi was frightened of meek Ayako made the teen unsure of whether she should laugh or cry. "She's not interested." She spat out, looking at Hiroshi revolted and disgusted at the same time. Dragging Sonoko painfully by the arm, she led out of the crowd and in to the girls bathroom.

Two people were making out. The fact that it was the women's restroom grossed the teen out heavily. Faintly though, she recalled that it had been two girls, making Sonoko thankful that the rule about who belonged in a women's bathroom had been followed that night.

They squealed in shock and ran out of the restroom. At least that part was normal. Ayako turned to Sonoko, Ayako's serious demeanor quietly sobering her up. It was amazing how frightening her big sis could be when overprotective.

All Sonoko could gather was a rather meek, "Onee-san..." But then Ayako exploded. A smack loud enough to be heard in space, emanated from the bathroom, the sound hurting as much as the act.

"Don't you Onee-san me! Do you even know that guy?" The worst part about the entire situation was as mad as Ayako was, tears were rushing down her face like a flash flood. As much as Ayako and Sonoko enjoyed arguing with each other, almost making a sport of it, they did care about and respected each other too much to allow anyone to take advantage of them.

But hindsight wasn't in vogue that night. Seething from the slap, her right cheek feeling singed, and her mind still full of liquid courage, Sonoko argued back. "Yeah he invited us to the party, he seemed nice…"

" _Us?_ " Sonoko bounced back suddenly realizing that she had completely forgotten about Ran. You didn't invite poor Mouri-chan with you? Sonoko nodded silently. "And _nice_? That guy is the biggest player I've ever met! He would have dumped you as soon as he got what he wanted!" This time her face and voice was all water and no fire, the stern look on her face substituted for one of immense sadness.

Sonoko didn't care because it seemed so unfair and cruel. "Hiroshi wouldn't do that!" A brief pause between words gave the poor girl a moment to think about the question Hiroshi had asked her.

 _Would you like to go someplace private and do it?_

"Would he?" She said quietly as a saddened Ayako held her aloft, hugging her sister as she learned a painful but important lesson.

It was just so unfair. Her mother had always told her daughters to be wary of someone asking them out. Not necessarily for that reason though. Men wanting to marry into wealth were numerous as her mother always said. Sonoko wasn't naïve. She knew that she had to be smart with who she dated.

But it seemed that those were the only guys interested in her. Would any guy just like her for her? Were there any men who _weren't_ creeps? Anger bubbling to the center of her chest, she screamed in frustration. "I wanna kill him!"

"Mouri-chan is probably going to do it for you if you're not careful." Ayako helped Sonoko stand up. Come on let's go."

Ayako, cradling her baby sister while walking towards Ran's location, explained why she was here. She was apparently the treasurer of these kind of parties. Her parents had called Ayako, worried. The only reason Ayako knew she was here was because he heard some of Hiroshi's friend bragging about how a "spike haired hottie" had refused Hiroshi's advances but now it was even better because he was going to "pop" the heiress of the Suzuki Corporation. Sonoko didn't even cry at that point. She just wanted this night to end. Ayako promised to never tell them but warned her to never do this again. Sonoko for once agreed.

When she got the place where she last saw her best friend, Ran was nowhere to be found.

Sonoko jerked her head around, looking for her familiar figure through the bodies grinding against each other. Gulfing up to her throat was a murky sense of unease and fear. This wasn't right, where was she? Ran wouldn't just run off like that. She pulled out her cell phone and dialed Ran's number but it went straight to voicemail thrice.

Breathing heavily, Sonoko searched through the crowd for her friend. She knew that she could easily defend herself but she was worried nonetheless. This was completely out of character. Come to think of it, why would she run off in the first place? Hiroshi didn't take her far or to a less popular place and there were no guys she was interested in. Reeling over the rail, Sonoko Suzuki felt like she was going to vomit.

Sonoko didn't catch the question Ayako asked but did hear the answer a bit too clearly. "Yeah, I saw a girl like that with a guy. He was really on her but she looked like she could barely stand and think, if you know what I mean?" The way she said made it feel like it was the least important thing in the world.

All color was drained out of Sonoko's face. Akako was screaming at the guy but not for the first time, Sonoko wasn't listening. This time it wasn't because of her own arrogance. Time was slowing down as she put all the puzzle pieces together

THUMP. The poor women's heart beat.

THUMP. Went the mad beat of the music surrounding Sonoko, drowning her in noise as the bodies writhed around her.

THUMP. Sonoko's aorta felt like it was about to burst and bust.

THUMP. A guy passed by, spelling drinks on her trendy clothes. Sonoko didn't notice.

THUMP. A sudden tap on her back.

THUMP THUMP. More taps.

"Sonoko?" Akako whispered, having never seen her little sister like this. And after that Sonoko ran.

She pushed through the crowd, earning the curses of everyone around her. She didn't care. "Ran!" Sonoko screamed. "Raaaaaannn!" Sonoko shrieked, a mad chant made out of panic and love. A mess of color blended together, bright neon lights melted, light and darkness seemed the same. Someone strong grabbed her arms, telling the underaged teen to calm down, as a cacophony of noise boomed through her eardrums, with even her unhinged chants of her best friends name no longer able to cut through the air…

… Then silence.

Everything felt numb. Whatever discomfort that could have come from sitting the way she did was nothing compared to the guilt she was feeling right now. Sonoko could hear one of Ayako's friends calling the police. That didn't make her feel better in the least.

Finally noticing that she had run off, Ayako and everyone sprinted towards the corner, causing Sonoko to look up in front of her.

Sonoko's heart stopped.

Apparently, she had ran into a alley. It was unpaved and covered in trash. On her knees, she crawled onwards, daring the objects she was nearing to be figments of her imagination. It had to be right? There was no way this couldn't be a nightmare.

But that would be too easy, too comforting, too unrealistic.

When the group got to where Sonoko had positioned herself, they were out of breath. That didn't stop them from gasping at the clothes strewed wildly all over the place. Even Hiroshi seemed horrified at the pile of blood in the corner.

Aware of the bundle of clothes on her lap, she clutched them to her chest, as if they were a doll that could protect Sonoko from her guilt. Snot dripped out of her nose, sniffling as she wiped them away with the back of her hand. Sonoko's eyes, red and puffy as they were, no longer wept.

Ran's panties were the only thing missing.

 **Yep. I went there. And it's only going to get worse from here. Shout out to the obvious easter egg.**

 **Welcome back!**


	3. Childhood's Loss And Return

Ran huddles under the covers watching the world turn blue.

The only window showcases a bitter blue sky that affected her own personal landscape. The alabaster walls tinted blue, the blankets cradling and protecting her were painted blue, even the very empty air was affected – _infected_ – with that particularly bleak hue.

Shivering, not because of the physical cold, Ran laid on her side clutching her chest. Her body no longer felt like her own. Scrapes and bruises decorated her _body_. Ran could no more escape them than she could flee from the ones hidden inside her. That damage couldn't be made visible.

Ran sniffled, suddenly aware of how naked she felt. She gingerly stretched out her right arm, hoping to run the kink out of the elbow. The fact that they wouldn't let her wear her clothes at first disturbed her. She had to stay in one of those silly gowns with the open back. The only part of the rape kit that felt freeing was afterward she could finally strip off that scratchy, loose-fitting, polka-dotted fabric that revealed more then she wanted to reveal. Putting on her loose-fitting t-shirt and those old slacks felt like heaven in comparison to the hell that was still smoldering in the bright horizon bowing back behind her.

She nearly fainted when she saw what they had done to her _body_. Ran never considered herself beautiful, but her figure had the grim countenance of a chew-toy. Contusions were speckled all over her body; some as large spots and others like stripes. Her right nipple had stitches from where it had been torn in half, her breasts and butt covered in welts, scratches and bite marks.

Much to her growing horror, despite all the sutures the doctor used to repair her, she still bled "down there".

It was probably bleeding because of earlier when Conan jumped up on the bed and landed somewhat between her legs. As she had been trying to enjoy the spring sun and the birds, she heard the stomping that could only come from the excited footsteps of a child. Ran's vein pulsated in her forehead as her temper had flared and she silently promised to deliver a major ass whooping to her dad later for taking Conan out of school. No way would she let his laziness rub off on the child!

Conan had jumped up, jolting her just enough. It was an accident, but she couldn't suppress a howl of pain, which caused Conan to jerk back before falling on his feet to the floor, shocked.

Kogoro became horrified, but his horror quickly turned into a wild fury. Ran had never seen her father that angry, not even at her mom. He wrung Conan by the neck, then cocked back a punch. He would have hit much too hard if Ran hadn't screamed in terror.

Kogoro's eyes had lit up in realization of what he was about to do. Jumping up, the frenzied appearance of rage was replaced with utter shock and horror. As much as Kogoro pretended to be strict he was actually the more easygoing of her parents. Suddenly shaking, with his mouth agape and bloodshot eyes bulging out of sockets like they were about to grow wings, he had dropped Conan like a sack of potatoes.

For his part, Conan was more angry then terrified. "Oi! What's wrong with you?" Conan demanded, as he rubbed his pained rear. However, even Conan couldn't help but notice the way Kogoro was shaking as he walked out the room.

It was then that the flashes begun to rise to the surface as bubbles in a boiling pot does, becoming steam that blocked her sight.

She didn't know what to make of it really. She mostly only remembered the pain. A nurse had explained that she was given a facilitating agent, or in layman's terms, a form of sedative. She said nothing more, but Ran noticed sympathy in the nurse's eyes.

Looking back, Ran couldn't blame Conan for this as it was in his nature, but the questions he asked pelted her skull like bullets; innocent as they may have been. It made Ran aware of how exposed she felt, like as if there were surveillance cameras in the walls of the room, watching her like a rat in a maze.

Once she got that feeling she couldn't brush it off. She asked Conan to get her some pencils and paper so she could distract herself. Excited in a manner that reminded her of a flapping pigeon, he left.

Having him leave had been a mistake.

Now, left alone with her thoughts, she became stricken with loneliness and questions. Now, she was by herself, she had time to really think about what her father said. Always keeping one ear on the television while cooking (Sonoko often teased her for being an old lady) she had actually heard of the crimes Kogoro had talked about when she went anywhere with Sonoko.

Although, she was only half-listening, Ran got the gist of what happened. A tourist, or young adult would be tricked into drinking a spiked drink and wake up with all their valuables missing. Honestly, Ran tried to tune out the news report, but upon seeing her father slumped over the couch in a drunken sleep with his butt partially hanging off, it gave the young girl yet another incentive never to drink.

Something wasn't right. While this may explain why she was in the hospital and why she felt so sick, it didn't explain the bruises, nor the sympathetic looks, or why she hurt…down there.

A spasm of fear washed through her body, causing her to haunch over and tightly hug herself. She stared blankly, looking from side-to-side, desperate for some sign that she'd interpreted wrong. She was unable to stop the ugly realization from spreading like an infection, as abhorrent and inconceivable as it seemed. Conan choose that moment to return with a pen and paper – a shy little angel guarding her heart and sanity.

Usually, Ran would have taken notice of the subdued, defeated form of her ward before then. She still asked, cringing with horror as he only agreed and avoided her gaze. Later, Ran would fiercely regret not comforting him at that moment. It was humiliating to think that her adopted six-year-old brother was the first to realize the truth of what happened to her. Granted, she honestly doubted that he knew exactly what had happened, but Ran speculated he overheard enough to put the pieces together.

It was then that Ran jerked in her cot, struggling to think of something – _anything –_ else, but the gruesome assault returned to her mind unbidden.

Humming to herself like an out of tune radio and making the mistake to focus on herself instead of poor Conan, Ran was playing Sudoku in an attempt to get her mind off of memories of dark red ichor and milky white slime. That is when she heard voices from far away.

"…You dumbass! How could you do that to _our_ daughter?" Eri, seemingly out of control had been screeching, and for once Ran appreciated the serenity of her parent's usual fights, even though the fact Eri was the one cursing and yelling couldn't be a good sign.

"Please, she didn't need to … Eri, you know perfectly well what is going to happen if she knows!" Kogoro was trying to be the voice of reason for once. That wasn't a good sign, either.

Kogoro, despite how he would act around Shinichi, was the pushover of the parents; often spoiling her, though she tried to limit it due to her own internalized guilt. Mom was the strict one, though her over-protectiveness had a mature edge, unlike her dad. After their divorce the dynamics changed. Eri left and gave her more respect and freedom, while Kogoro became a stick in the mud, even sometimes treating her like a little kid.

It wasn't funny how her parent's roles reversed toward her. Ran did what she could to ignore this latest parental argument by conducting a ritual she had learned from her childhood. It was best done when laying down. She covered her ears and hid under the blanket.

But, then Eri stormed in with a horrified Kogoro biting at her heels. His panicked eyes were like a dying fish exposed to air, bulging out of their sockets. Kogoro tried to grab Eri by a shoulder, but she twisted and slapped him square in the face, resulting in him spinning and losing balance.

"No. Eri, stop!" he stammered, as he fell. He might have been praying.

Ran didn't have time to ponder his words as Eri was now tugging on her blanket. Eri was having trouble as someone, presumably Kogoro, had tucked her in. Eri was trying to find the balance between gently pulling and yanking it away; reminiscent to a table cloth being pulled careful enough that the ceramic didn't fall off and break into a thousand little pieces.

Like she feels she was.

Her attention drawn to the woman who always inspired her, Ran was amazed at how wild and frenzied she appeared. Neither her makeup, nor hair was attended to, giving her an unkempt appearance that was not fitting of her. Usually, she had the countenance of a refined noble woman, or at the very least, a stone cold professional. Her looking like this was just...surprising.

Ran suddenly remembered she was naked under the scratchy robe, because for some reason hospitals didn't allow you to be decent. Feebly, she attempted to pull the blanket back over her frame, but this made her mom pull it off with a wild jerk that hurt her gripping fingers.

Screaming in embarrassment, Ran scooted up the bed, flailing as she curled in the fetal position and also attempted to cross her legs. Eri's eyes widened, appearing ready to fall out of her skull. Only this time the look on her face wasn't one of wrath – it was unbridled terror. Eri covered her mouth to stifle a whimper as she shook her head, almost like she was trying to turn those watery, yet elegant eyes into a sprinkler.

It was Ran's turn to panic. "Oka-san, it's all right! I was only robbed. This isn't anything serious!" Her intention was to calm her hysterical mother down, but it had the opposite effect.

Whatever composure Eri Kisaki had left was flung out of the shining window, which simultaneously cast a glow that made everyone look like they had a heavenly aura around their bodies. Or, maybe the light colors in the room were becoming overexposed. Ran was unsure.

Wailing, she closed her eyes and backed away, before falling from the bed onto her knees and trembling from head to toe. Ran had been detached from the drip a few minutes ago so she had no troubles recovering and standing. "Oka-san, I swear I wasn't hurt!" Walking took more effort than it should. Her legs gave out from under her, quaking like jello.

Snapping out of her reverie, Eri ran towards her daughter, successfully stopping her from hitting the floor. As she was gingerly lifted, Ran glanced down and took in the sight of her legs.

Ran hadn't noticed that her inner thighs had spiderweb like bruises all the way up, but she could now see the steady streaks of blood trickling down her thighs. Ran was completely confused and disorientated, watching ungainly as Conan ran out of the room screaming for a doctor.

The next thing she knew she felt warm and safe. Everything felt relaxed, even her jaw. Her body became too slack as the sedative reasserted itself in her system, though, she could hear the incessant beeps of a heart monitor. When her eyes fluttered briefly open, her vision was a blurry mess of dull colors. Was she on the bed? Her eyelids slid slowly closed.

Eventually, the painkillers and heavy sedatives wore off enough for her to be fully conscious. All three members of her family were by her side. Night, or at least dusk, had fallen given the contrast of the dark against the soft general lighting inside the hospital room.

With the exception of Conan, no one was giving her the least amount of comfort, or relief.

Her thoughts came to her and spiraled like a dream. A lot of the images inside her head seemed out of sequence. Still, she relived two particular memories. Which memory came first, she couldn't comprehend.

"Otou-san…why did you lie to me?" she whispered with tears rushing out onto her pillow. All Kogoro could do was cradle his face in his hands and run out of the room. Later she would be told that her dad had busted several holes in the walls outside her room and had to be restrained in order to prevent him from further frightening the other patients.

In the second memory, Eri sat by on the bed, looking nervous. She was trying her best to maintain composure. It reminded her of when she was a kid and of the many times her parents had something disappointing to tell her. A stricken look in her eye, Eri swallowed what remained of her heart and gave Ran's hand a light squeeze.

Ran supposed this memory was the first of the two. Because by the next morning Ran knew she had been raped.

Strangely Ran didn't cry. She was in disbelief and too numb. It didn't seem real, after all. How could something so violating have happened to her?

She vaguely understood the doctor explaining she was suffering from Toxic Shock Syndrome, but she was stable and recovering. They explained that someone, probably her rapist, had made an anonymous call saying that there was a drunk girl with a shallow pulse in an unpaved alley.

The EMTs had found her motionless and without a pulse, thrown away like trash and left to die alone in that dank, empty lot. The one rookie medic had cried and had to be slapped back to his senses. They thought she didn't have even a hope for surviving, but they still performed their jobs.

As they were carrying out CPR, against all odds they felt a heartbeat.

Fitting a non-rebreather mask to her face, they loaded her onto a stretcher, into the back of the ambulance and rushed her to the hospital with lights and sirens blaring. Upon arrival they pumped her stomach until all the sedatives were safely out of her digestive system. The amount she had been given would have killed her.

The doctor left several questions of hers unanswered, saying it was best that her parents speak to her and that it wasn't his place. Ran felt numb, as if she had been drained of her emotions like some sort of hungry emotional vampire had sucked them all out. She might have remained feeling that way if her mature parents hadn't decided then was the perfect time to argue.

The doctor had left and Kogoro briefly looked to Eri for rescue, but he turned away, knowing the can of venomous worms that would have opened up. However, the second lengthy glance was more than enough for Eri to snap.

"Why are you looking at me? This is your fault."

In a shining example of either maturity or sobriety, Kogoro weakly held up his head and mumbled a word. It sounded like 'yeah'.

Eri couldn't help but give a scornful laugh. "What's that? Has the great Sleeping Sleuth finally figured out the great mystery! And, yet you wondered why I left you! If I were there – "

As if woken from sleepwalking, Kogoro's eyes turned as hard as slate and he twisted his head to snarl at his wife. "But, you weren't there. You are _never_ there! If I'm as bad as you say I am, what the fuck's your excuse?! You bitch!"

Eri recoiled from him as if she had been slapped. Ran couldn't help but raise a hand to her mouth in utter umbrage. Her dad had called her mother many things, but never _that_.

"You bastard! How dare you! At least I'm sober for more than a minute a day. I'm surprised you haven't killed any brain cells yet. I swear, when I'm get home I am getting divorce papers for you to sign. We will be officially over!"

Ran felt like her skull was splitting open with a white-hot fire poker. _No, not now, not now!_ She thought, trembling. She grabbed her ears in a foolish attempt to shield herself but being so close meant that it was like trying to survive a grenade with only a bike helmet on.

"I swear to god, I don't know what I ever saw in you. Well, guess what? Since you fucked up, we now have to prepare for the worst."

"How can this possibly get any worse?"

"For one, what if she is pregnant?"

Kogoro gasped in shock, while Conan's little head popped up, an expression of absolute terror at the thought peaking through his boyish face. Backing away from his (ex)-wife, Kogoro clenched his fists and brought them up to his chest.

"What do you mean? There is no way I'd ever raise that bastard's child!"

Ran felt as if new weights were thrown onto her already breaking shoulders. She hadn't even thought about that. What if she was pregnant? But, as she took in what her dad said, all she could think about was how disgusting and dirty she felt.

She couldn't help but think this was all her fault.

"You're upsetting Ran-nee-chan! Can the both of you shut up?!" Conan, who had remained mostly silent, was up on his feet in seething outrage.

Ran screamed. This finally got the feuding parents to pay attention to their daughter. They both appeared shocked and contrite, unaware as they had been of Ran's increasingly turbulent emotions. Eri and Kogoro exchanged a look devoid of anger. Rage had melted to be replaced with regret.

They both opened their mouths as if to say something but Ran put a stop to it.

"Please stop! I can't stand it anymore! If you're going to fight, then leave the room. I don't want to see the two of you anymore. I-I hate the both of you!" Ran was tempted to cover her mouth to stop the terrible words but couldn't make herself. "Get out! The both of you! Now!"

They didn't move until Ran threw a pillow. It hit them like a bullet. Made aware of just how upset their only child was, Kogoro took Eri by the hand and they reluctantly left the room.

Instead of making her happy, their absence made Ran feel more alone with each passing the minute. Conan lightly nudged her foot.

It made Ran jump, but at least she could look him in the eye. She paused for a moment, unsure of how to process the sight before her eyes. For a mad, but glorious instant, Ran's lips almost curled up into a big, sunny smile. The poor kid looked like he was about to cry, yet still he stood straight; as if he was the only true adult in the empty world.

It made her feel as if Shinichi were here with her; once again protecting and shielding her from all the problems her life brought her, just like those endless moments when she would explore and play with the Holmes otaku as a little girl, feeling as if she could be truly and forever safe.

It was then and only then the tears fell.

.

.

.

Hell, or at least something close, illustrated what Ran went through in the following week.

Ran's thoughts toward anything and everything were mostly negative as she assimilated what had happened to her, what was happening to her and what would happen to her. It was only the beginning – the end to a prologue and beginning of the first act of a Greek Tragedy. It made her feeling like the immense suffering was slowly pickling her brain apart, making the young woman think that the final act would feel like a day at the spa in comparison.

Muscles, once at peak physical perfection, felt sore from having been so brutally abused. Breathing felt like ingesting thousands of needles.

She desperately wanted to take a shower, or better yet a bath, as Ran felt rank due to her own stench. Another part of her was convinced that it was the rapist own foul odors stuck to her soul and rotting it. Whenever a nurse came with a sponge and tub of water, Ran would panic and curtly insist that she do it herself. Ran didn't mean to be rude, but after the detectives she never, ever, _ever_ wanted to be touched by a stranger again.

She hadn't wanted to be touched even for something so important as the rape kit and the interview with the police.

Ran couldn't believe she had been so stupid. She wasn't an idiot, but she fell for her father's lies. She knew that she shouldn't drink even if through the haze at the time she couldn't remember why. That night had turned into a melted blur of mixed emotions and pain.

She could have defended herself. Ran took great pride in her skill at Karate, though she tried to remain humble. Karate made her feel powerful, but obviously that wasn't true.

Another part of her blamed her father for this. It made her sick and guilty, but she couldn't excuse his behavior now. Not only had he lied to her, but she also took away her choice. As afraid as she was to face what had happened, the fact that he had cleaned her up and tried to cover it up was unforgivable. She purposely avoided his gaze when he came crying in an attempt to apologize. She wouldn't let it work. At one point Kogoro practically groveled on his hands and knees, begging for Ran to even just look at him.

"Please honey…"

Ran could see in her peripheral vision that he looked like he'd lived ten thousand and one years in just two days.

Ran couldn't accept him right now. He had failed her and she simply couldn't trust him again. She tossed her head to the side, cried with a gush of tears silently flooding down her porcelain cheeks, but for once Ran refused to meet his gaze. Kogoro ran off defeated.

Was he always that weak? Although, it wasn't like her mom was doing her any favors. It was unworthy, it was sick and it was cruel, but Ran couldn't shake off the feeling that she was making this about herself.

Eri and Kogoro's arguments were getting wilder, reaching a pitch that she hadn't recalled since she was a little girl. She could hear their words echoing in the remote corners of her brain. It felt like termites had formed a hive through her skull. Ran clutched at her temples, shivering again.

She was still in denial about the rape. She didn't want to believe it – couldn't believe it! Whenever someone brought it up during one of the few merciful hours she could disassociate herself from the incident, she would either pretend that she didn't hear, or that she didn't know what they were talking about.

But, all flights of fancy ended eventually.

Conan had been such a sweetie. Ran wouldn't take advantage of his attempts to help, but Conan Edogawa had been a knight in shining armor, refusing to let anyone near her without his permission. It wasn't an exaggeration to say he had to be dragged away from her room. A part of Ran felt guilty about that overprotectiveness. He didn't know what had happened to her. At least, not truly. Ran certainly hoped she wouldn't have to explain what had happened, especially with him being so young.

All he knew was that his nee-chan was hurt and he tried his best to help her, or at least offer as much help as a seven-year-old could muster. After what had happened that day, he refused to be as inquisitive as he had been. It made Ran kind of sad. Conan was trying his best to rescue her from herself, but he lacked the capacity to understand. It felt incredibly wrong to hamper and stifle exactly what made a child a child.

Ran sobbed, silently crying into her pillow so as not to wake her little brother up. Conan was crying all the time now. Sure, he hid it when she was awake, but often when she was pretending to sleep, she could hear Conan silently bawl, hitting the chair cushion with his tiny fists and blaming himself for what happened.

What more could she do to reassure her little brother that what happened wasn't his mistake? She stayed quiet as her thoughts welled up to swallow her once more. Ran wished she had been prepared for when the detectives came. Could she really be blamed for thinking they were all as kindhearted as Division One? Her mistake.

They had entered courteous enough and at first Ran was relieved at their presence. As if sensing the incoming emotional landmine, Conan demanded that he stay with her. A part of Ran wanted him desperately not to go, but she couldn't stand him knowing the details of her humiliation or watching what would happen next. So after much argument, Ran put her foot down and sternly told her ward to leave.

The look of disappointment and betrayal sculpted upon his stricken face felt like she was getting lacerated. He rushed from her bedside upset, causing Ran to reach out, unable to grasp him as he disappeared out the door.

Then, to Ran's dismay, what she thought would have her shaking off her nightmare only sped it into a different type of terror entirely.

 _Were you wearing exposing clothes? Why were you out so late? Were you meeting with guys? Do you have a history of taking drugs or drinking? How many guys have you slept with? Do you wish to press charges? Do you know the attackers? Have you had sex with them before? Were you, do you, did you…?_

It made her head spin. Just like that, her confidence had vanished to the ether, staying there until they left. They made further noises reminiscent of words, but Ran could only hear the same questions over and over and back again.

 _This is your fault. You shouldn't have tempted them. You should have fought back. You should have gone after Sonoko. You should have told Shinichi._ She suffered silently, trying to listen until finally...she couldn't. And screamed.

The old, graying detective touched her shoulder, maybe to try and reassure, but that just made it even worse. Ran's teeth clenched together, her eyes widened in terror. Like a dog, she whimpered, but his grip hardened like a vice. Fear coursed through her body, tensing her muscles and sending a jolt of pain from her spine to her skull. She punched him in the stomach.

Miyazaki was his name; a portly, middle-aged man with a receding hairline, jaundiced skin, shrewd brow and horn-rimmed glasses. Even though she was weakened, she still packed a dangerous punch. Miyazaki was flung against the wall, gasping as all the air in his lungs whistled out.

Ran was shrieking. Things she didn't want to remember were suddenly flooding back to her, forgotten stimuli she hadn't realized she wanted to stay buried. Their sour breath as they put their mouths on her body like they were vampires, being gagged as something was inserted in her mouth, the feeling of being penetrated –

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaah!" Ran seized, fighting the feeling of being held down. This time men and women in white were doing it. She kicked, punched and did everything she could, but the frothy mixture of panic did away with her once honed reflexes.

She looked to her parents for rescue, but they were being held back by other personnel. Conan couldn't pass the legs that acted as a blockade. Feeling a hand grasp him, Conan kicked one of the female doctor's shins as she finally clutched both his tiny arms. The doctor cried out as he pinched her other arm viciously.

Then everything simply stopped.

Ran didn't recall passing out or being particularly calm. It was like time froze for a second, and then the next moment everything was out of place. Visuals were different – what she was looking at within the room was different. The lights that had been on, were off and other, softer lights were on instead.

When she fully came to, Eri Kisaki was holding her daughter as she silently cried onto her shoulder, stroking her hair and rubbing her back. It wasn't everything she wanted, as she yearned for the touch of both Sonoko and Shinichi, but she greedily locked onto the caring embrace of her mother, finally allowing herself to be touched.

Beyond the sight of her mother's shoulders was the vision of her dad wringing the detective who had touched her while Conan blocked the foot of her bed with his arms outstretched to either side. Under any other circumstance their protectiveness would have made her smile.

Both of the detectives were now bowing in apology, so to be done with it all Ran pretended to accept their remorse. Still, Ran pleaded for a female detective. Any sense of politeness or tact was gone. They made her skin crawl. She didn't trust them anymore.

Their eyebrows peaked in surprise and both their expression turned quizzical as they asked: "Why?" That word broke her once again into a million pieces.

'Why?' They actually asked why?!

Her face slowly became lax and expressionless. The sound of her parents and the detectives arguing faded away into silence. Her heartbeat became her sole focus and Ran finally realized why her father had thought it best to hide the truth.

Rape and the chaos it created was not taken seriously by the majority of the public.

Her family tried to revive Ran from her shock, but all she could she do was numbly reply. "I'm fine. J-j-just let me sleep," she mumbled, and then pulled the covers passed her shoulders and closed her eyes.

Merciful sleep wouldn't come.

The fluorescent light floating above her bed cast everything in a chalky, washed-out tone. Ran was thankful that it was turned on, but even then in the nocturnal gloom the sweet bliss of dreamless sleep was overpowered by the bitter taste of introspection. She didn't know what was worse, thinking back to the horrifying past or having to return to the cruel, unforgiving present; the now pilfering her soul as the weight of everything crushed her like the deep sea.

Why? That was the question that seemed most pertinent to her. Even after the detectives left all she could do was ponder that. Why? Why did this happen to her? Did she do something wrong in a past life? All she wanted was to spend time with Sonoko!

Another question was how the date rape drug got into her in the first place. She was starting to be more and more amenable to the idea she drank too much. Maybe she took the drug on purpose thinking to get high after her senses left her. She didn't want to believe it, but what else could have happened? Did she accidentally trick them into thinking she was sober enough to consent? Was that why she didn't fight back?

Ran shook her head. That couldn't be it! She didn't want this! Why would anybody want this? With no one to answer her questions, her brain picked itself apart.

Something cold and metallic brushed against her cheek. Lying down, too exhausted to get up, she scrunched her nose as she realized the light had been turned off. Ran must have been close to drifting off as she hadn't even noticed anything happening around her. Ran grasped awkwardly, automatically reaching for the cold object, her fingers nearly slipping on its condensation. It was a can of soda. Already sitting up, Ran opened the tab and sweet bubbly juice went all over her. Despite this, a vague smile made her lips twitch. Touching her with a cold can of drink seemed like something that Holmes otaku would do.

"Ran?" his familiar voice echoed through her ears. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you…" If she didn't know any better his voice cracked. "I promise I won't let anyone hurt you again. I'll hunt them down! It'll be the last case I take if you want me to! Just please don't cry..."

The dreamy haze still engulfing her started to lift. "Shinichi?" Her sight was blurred with gunk and tears, but through the blurry haze his silhouette could be seen. For the first time in a while Ran smiled a wide and toothy grin. She was crying, but the salt tasted sweeter in comparison to her earlier tears.

 _He came! He's here and he's gonna stay!_ The big case he was working on may finally be over with his offer of hers to be his last. Ran wanted to believe it. Either way he couldn't possibly have come at a greater time.

She needed him, she wanted him, she loved him more than anyone else in the world. She couldn't be mad at him anymore. He kept his promise just like he said he would. There were so many things she wanted to say to him. Every possible emotion was rushing her at once.

So she kissed him. It was unworthy of her, but she needed this. She wanted to be touched by someone she could trust.

Immediately regretting it, she stuttered an apology. "I'm s-so sorry, Shinichi! I shouldn't have done that! Please for...give – ?" Ran's blue orbs were starting to get used to the dark and to her chagrin it wasn't Shinichi. It was Conan Edogawa.

Bitter tears fell as the poor girl took in the disappointment. She swiped at her bawling eyes in frustration and horror. Spilling the juice all over herself meant she now had nothing to wash her dirty mouth clean. _I'm disgusting! I took Conan's first kiss!_ Was she starting to turn into the thing that hurt her most?

"Ran-nee-chan!" Conan screamed. Ran snapped out of it. Her adopted ward was center stage. Conan was crying, his hands clutched into fists as he closed his eyes and trembled.

Breathing in, he finally acknowledged his nee-chan by opening his eyes, taking off his glasses and getting on the bed right next her.

Ran was stricken. She hadn't even thought about how this was affecting him. Though, he probably didn't know it, Ran had considered their relationship a close one. Even in the short time he had appeared in her life she could safely say that it was better because of him.

He was such a sweet child.

"Ran-nee-chan… I'm sorry Shinichi-nii-chan couldn't be here. It's my fault not yours!" Conan sniffled, drool and snot dripping down his chin. Freaked out at the fact that he now looked more like a child than ever, Ran hurriedly tossed her head around looking for a tissue box. On her left she found one and with some maneuvering of her fingers, she was able to pinch a couple out of the box. Holding his chin, she gently cleaned all the grime from the child's face.

"Conan-kun don't cry… It's not your fault this happened to me. You're just a kid…" Gently, she wiped his tears away and looked him in the eye as she tried to sell him her false confidence. She couldn't talk about her assault with him, though a part of her wanted desperately to like how she confessed about her undying love for his cousin.

Struggling to come up with words, Ran reached a breakthrough. Maybe, just maybe, if she focused on how she felt instead of the gory details he wouldn't pry too much into it.

"Conan-kun, thank you for trying to protect me. You were really brave…but if I simply didn't go that night, maybe Sonoko would be here instead of me. Perhaps I saved her." Conan scowled. "Please don't be like that. It's not anybody's fault, but mine. Look at me. I've won the Kanto Championship ever since I first entered, yet…I couldn't protect myself from the men who hurt me. Maybe I'm just weak and pathetic – "

"NO!" Conan's voice was like thunder as it coursed throughout the room. It nearly woke up both Eri and Kogoro who had fallen unconscious on each other. They bolted up for a second before drifting back to sleep upon each other's shoulders. It seemed the Kami and Buddhas had willed that the two of them and the two alone would share this moment.

"You are not weak! You are an inspiration to me everyday! You are my reason for returning to you... It…it…" Conan bowed his head with a ruddy blush on his face. "It is for that reason I love you so much!" Conan covered his mouth as if the action could take back what he said.

Ran didn't want him to take back what he said. Even if most seven-year-olds weren't poets on the caliber of Shakespeare, Ran was captivated by the beauty of his words. Was she…Conan hero? Though, it was more than that. She had always suspected he had a crush on her, but this was different. There was no pining in his speech.

Conan genuinely loved her.

Too touched for words and willing to believe him, even if it wasn't true love, with a wan smile on her face Ran wrapped her arms around his tiny waist and hugged him tight.

"Arigato, Conan-kun. I love you, too."

She could have sworn he flinched when she said his name, but he relaxed and sighed.

The both of them must have been exhausted as they woke up slumped on each other. The sun was hidden behind gray clouds and for once Ran was thankful of that. Of the two of them, Conan was the most comfortable, but that wasn't saying much. Smiling, she gently picked him up and cradled him while she lay on her side. Both of them finally getting some sleep.

The next day Ran had a rape kit done. Surprisingly, it wasn't nearly as bad as the day before. Maybe Conan had been her omamori and scared some of the terrible things away. There were still bad things she wanted to beat away with a stick, but she chose to focus on the good things and wrap them around her like a beautiful protective coat.

A nurse had come in when she thought Ran was sleeping. The nurse was talking about the 'high-strung youth' and how 'young women are all sluts today'. Though baffled, Ran decided what she was going to. Conan was fuming, but while the old hag had her back turned Ran pressed a finger to his mouth and shushed him before quickly relaxing back into position.

When the nurse went by her side to change her blankets, Ran immediately flung a powerful crane kick near her face before emitting loud fake snores. Afterward, the nurse attempted to prove she wasn't sleeping, but Eri and Kogoro, who must have overheard what the nurse said, joined in the lie by claiming Ran's karate was so hardwired that she occasionally did moves of it in her sleep.

When the nurse left, Ran opened her eyes and winked at Conan, causing him to giggle.

Filled with courage, Ran walked tall. The female doctor who helped her through it was quite insightful on what she was going through and was able to answer most of Ran's many questions. Ran couldn't believe how naive she had been. She had never before heard of oral or anal sex before. What she knew of was the stuff she had learned in middle school. Which was cursory at best, but she didn't want to remember what else the doctor said on the subject. She wanted to focus on the fact she wasn't weak. This wasn't her fault; it was the fault of the ones who assaulted her. The ones who harmed her.

The doctor introduced herself as Shiori-san and she had been nothing but the epitome of kindness. She let Ran go at her own pace, repeatedly asked her if she was uncomfortable and told her she could stop at any time if she wanted to. What strength had compelled her to continue through it she didn't know, but for a brief moment she felt like she could move the heavens themselves.

Ran had never thought about how she wanted her first time to be. The naughtiest thought she had imagined before was catching Shinichi naked in the shower, or something. Would Shinichi even want her anymore? Would he rightfully blame her for being an idiot? If she told him what had happened would he think less of her?

That was the one question Shiori-san couldn't answer in a way that quelled her fears.

.

.

.

Today was the start of Golden Week and not much had changed, although a passing observer might have been given that impression.

Eri and Kogoro had taken her wish to heart and stopped arguing. At least in front of her. Whenever they started to become hostile to one another they would give each other vicious, soul piercing looks and motion each other to go outside the room with a turn of the head. They were, thankfully, arguing far away from where Ran's ears couldn't pick up the disturbances and so far a truce between the two had been forged for the nonce. Although, there did seem to be a saccharine edge within many of their interactions.

The hoary old nurse had been reprimanded by the director, at least according to her physician. He apologized that he couldn't do more as the nurse had seniority and had threatened to sue if she was terminated. He could at least promise the detectives made certain to warn the other more conservative nurses from potentially doing more harm and for that at least Ran was thankful.

The doctor said she had to stay at least until May 5th. Apparently, they wanted to make sure she didn't have any brain damage from so much time spent lacking adequate oxygen. They had her click a pen and what worried her at first was it was more difficult than she thought. Luckily, it turned out to be only jitters from the incident's immediate aftermath. Still, the doctors wished to keep her for observation.

Sonoko had finally arrived. Instead of the pomp she had worn at the party, she was dressed in the more humble attire of a plain polo and sweats. She had come crying and blubbering about how this was all her fault, that she shouldn't have been so selfish and that she was the worst friend ever. She explained the reason she couldn't come the first night was not only because she was afraid of how Ran would react, but because the cops were questioning her at the scene.

Ran in turn had tried to reassure Sonoko had no responsibility in this. When Sonoko began talking again about how this was her fault, she went from subtle tears to enormous waterfalls of saline. Snot dripping down her nose, she pulled Ran into a gargantuan hug. Instead of flinching and freaking out like she did with the detective, Ran started to cry in turn, joining in on the release of emotions.

If Conan Edogawa was her little brother, then Sonoko Suzuki was her sister. There wasn't a doubt about it.

Eri had tried her best to talk to them both, saying self-blaming was common in these situations, but it wasn't either of their fault. Ran and Sonoko took solace in the words, even if Ran herself didn't particularly believe them.

The detectives had returned and said that the campus was cooperating and they had a list of suspects they wanted the both of them to identify when the time came. Ran admitted it was unlikely she would be any help, but Sonoko jumped at the chance with righteous fury.

Ran didn't want her to leave, however, Sonoko simply smiled and made a pinky swear that the next time she returned Ran would have a big smile on her face and after that she would promise to never leave her side again.

Conan was still there, though he had to be escorted out of the room once serious adult matters occurred. He had still tried to refuse to leave her unattended. Conan seemed so quiet now, subdued in a way she hadn't seen before. It made her sad beyond words.

"Conan-kun, you have to go back to school..." Ran pleaded. A guilty look plastered Conan's face, but still he defiantly refused, though it was sweet compared to the sourness he gave her parents.

"Ran…nee-chan," he meekly said, as if the 'nee-chan' was an afterthought, which happened often. "I can't leave you! I promised that I'd never leave you again. It's my fault this happened to you, so…I'm sorry but I can't!" Squeaking, with tears on his face, Ran couldn't help but cry herself. Even Conan couldn't escape the maelstrom of her shame…

"Okay, Conan-kun… You can stay for now." She had to be strong for him. He shouldn't have to suffer because of her, but went he slept or left to go to the bathroom Ran would cry and scream into her pillow.

After three days it became clear Conan couldn't miss any more school. A rather comical fight broke out between him and her parents as they tried to get him to leave. Kogoro attempted threats but seeing as he was trying to get on Ran's good side again her intolerance of his anger made them empty.

Then he offered to take Conan to get ice cream every day from now on if he agreed to go to school. Somehow, he still refused, though Ran was secretly relieved. She couldn't imagine what that would do to his diet.

Eri had gotten involved then and in something that had brought Ran laughter for hours afterword she temporarily became Conan's lawyer. Kogoro was so screwed.

While squatting to reach his height, they whispered in each other's ears. Kogoro's baffled confusion couldn't be more apparent. With Eri acting as an intermediary, eventually the two guys reached an agreement. Conan would go to school as long as afterward he could stay and sleep in the hospital with Ran. Eri made the both of them shake hands to the compromise and Conan left.

Kogoro was fuming. "You know _I'm_ the adult here. If anything, you should be taking my side."

With an amused smile on her face, Eri covered her mouth with a hand as she giggled like a teenage girl again. "Honestly, I think he had the better points. Really, Kogoro, ice cream for everyday he went to school? He wouldn't get any on the weekends. That's not a good deal at all."

Kogoro blushed, refusing to meet Eri's gaze, causing her to smile. "You know, I actually gave a fair deal. I talked him down from making you shave your mustache."

Kogoro had the countenance of a man nearly castrated. Screaming out loud, he rubbed his upper lip as if already suffering from Phantom Mustache Syndrome. Then a miracle happened. Kogoro laughed heartily, rubbing the back of his head with his knuckles. "Well, I guess you really are the Queen Of The Courtroom, then."

It was Eri's turn to be shocked. Usually, by now Kogoro would have started cursing at her, but instead he was actually being polite, even charming. Blushing and rubbing her chin in contemplation, Eri replied after a moment of silence.

"I don't know…I'd think you would look handsome if you shaved your mustache again."

Ran continued to wonder if they were truly getting along or if they were acting for her benefit. Ran supposed she didn't really care. Even if they didn't get back together, Ran could say with certainty she stopped her parents from mangling each other.

True and behold, Sonoko came through. She had returned slumped forward like a gorilla. If Ran didn't know any better, she would think those enormous bags she was dragging against the ground were actually giant fists. Stopping in order to breathe, she kicked both of the sacks with the heel of her foot before hugging and sliding down the wall, a victorious look ingrained on her face.

A torrent of white envelopes gushed out as Sonoko ripped open the sack. The get well letters were not only from her classmates, but from her teachers, her Karate group and the school.

Before she could even think of it, Sonoko said, "Don't worry, Ran. I didn't give them the exact details. If they want to know that's for you to tell them, not me." She gave the A-OK signal before groaning over her overly strained, taunt arms. Ran giggled.

"Sonoko Suzuki, did you carry all of those by yourself?" Ran gave her a drool look, but Sonoko only replied with a thumbs up before leaning back further and closing her eyes.

They spent the whole day together in that hospital room and though she couldn't be sure, Ran swore she forgot about her ills that day even though she sensed Conan blamed Sonoko for what happened. She thought it best Sonoko didn't know about Conan's feelings. Ran would talk with him later, but by that point he pretended to be unaware. Sonoko even convinced Conan to let her paint his nails, much to Ran's delight.

But, the next day was different. Sonoko had to go back to school while Eri had to go back to work. Kogoro was there, but he was rightfully giving his daughter some space. Conan was out of school, but today was the start of his golden week and she didn't want to take more of his life away. Shinichi was still absent.

Loneliness was inbound, though Ran could say she was dealing with it better than a week ago. The sadness still hit her in waves of acid and she suspected when she got home it would be harder, but for now she felt okay. Ran busied herself by writing her feelings into a journal.

The sun was bright, but mellow and the sky a perfect shade of coriander blue. Her window had been opened to allow fresh air into the room and Ran swore she could smell the outside over the garden of flowers and mounds of sweets piled around her. It all gave her positive feelings and good vibes.

Interrupting the silence was Conan excitedly rushing in. To say Ran was surprised was an understatement. "Conan-kun? What are you doing here?"

Conan smiled. "It's my day off today, Ran-nee-chan! I figured that you'd be lonely today so – "

The brunette waved her arms in the air in protest. "Oh no, Conan-kun! You should spend your Children's Day with your friends."

Conan looked disappointed, silently rubbing his heels against the ground and pouting his lips. "But, Ran-nee-chan…I want to spend my day with you."

Ran Mouri wondered if she could ever love Conan Edogawa more than she did now, settling on not knowing to see if her he could surprise her again. Here he was ready to waste the whole day with her just out of the goodness of his heart.

Ran's eyes shifted side-to-side nervously. "Okay…but you know it can get boring here. Are you absolutely sure?" Conan nodded excitedly and ran out of the room. For a second, Ran thought he wanted her to chase after him. Getting ready to disappoint once again, she was shocked to hear the faint noise of wood banging against the silikal floor.

Nurses cursed while Conan apologized. Running through the door-frame with a red wagon in tow was Conan, putting his hands on his knees as he stretched his calves. Ran was amazed by the amount of stuff wedged into the small wagon. Papers, books, board games and more. It was a wonder something didn't fall out.

"Conan-kun, where did you get all this stuff?"

"It's just stuff I don't really get a chance to do and also things I want to do with you." Conan averted his gaze. Brushing his right hand through his hair, he successfully dodged the question.

Ran's face softened. "Okay, Conan-kun, let's get to it then!" With Conan's help, she rolled her lap table into position over her lap and the games began.

They tried their hands at handicraft. It was mixed, to say the least. Ran made about two dozen Origami animals before Conan gave up in frustration. With Ran's help, together they made a bright red temari ball that they held together, silently smiling at each other as their hands entwined with the symbol of their bond clutched between them.

Some of the games were surprisingly complicated for someone his age. Downright intellectually driven to be accurate. Ran didn't even know how he put up a fight against her in Chess, Go, Shogi, Oicho Bichu, or the other games. Ran actually checked to see if he was cheating, but nope he was just that smart. Still, it was futile because she always won, more due to her own luck than anything else.

It was at 2:00 in the afternoon when the detective boys arrived. Ran was too busy gawking at Conan's amazing manga to notice at first. Conan was absolutely gobsmacked by the mini gang's arrival. "But…I covered my tracks perfectly! How did you find me?"

Genta scoffed, a proud look donning his chubby face. "No one can stop…THE DETECTIVE BOYS!" Ayumi and Mitsuhiko joined in, making a series of kata poses reminiscent of the Super Sentai. Conan groaned and face-palmed. Shinichi had made similar poses when he was young...

Rushing to her side like they were ducklings, the children each brought a gift. It was more then she could have asked for. Genta gave her a box of goodies and said that his parents declared she could have a discount on all Kojima Pharmacy products from now on until Genta owned the store, and then Genta said he would give her anything for free.

Ayumi excitedly pulled out some flowers she had picked for Ran. Some were weeds and Ran held the suspicion that she might have picked some up from private property, but when Ayumi told her she scoured the town looking for flowers as beautiful as her, Ran decided to keep the secret of her theft between the two of them until the day she died.

Ai had a guilty look on her face as she shyly hid in the corner. Ran always did think she and Conan had a lot in common in that regard. Mitsuhiko held out his hand toward Ai, urging her to come along. Dour as ever, Ai sighed and moved to Ran's side.

Holding out a paper bag, she stiffly dumped the contents on the lap tray. Ran was amazed. They were exactly like the cookies she had made for the detective boys, but this time it was her smiling face on them.

"I never really thanked you for saving my life…" Ai wrung her hands together. "So, I did my best to make them like you… I had Mitsuhiko-kun help. That's why he doesn't have a gift." Ai smiled sadly. "It was from the both of us, so don't be upset he doesn't have a gift."

Ran tried a cookie and was amazed at how delicious it was. Ai must not have read her reaction well because she was asking if she made a mistake.

"No, Ai-kun, they're delicious! I'm sure when I get out of here I can teach you how to cook tons of amazing lunches for Conan-kun!"

That got the exact response she wanted. Ai silently blushed as a melancholic smile touched her face before vanishing as quickly as it appeared, almost as if she had recognized her as someone she knew long ago, loved deeply, before losing her like how she feared she was losing Shinichi.

"W-wait guys!" Mitsuhiko quivered in outrage as both of the other boys chase him around the room. Ayumi sucked in her lips and pouted, causing Ran to smile. She never knew first graders had love triangles, but here one was.

Today couldn't have been more perfect. If only every tomorrow could be like this...

* * *

 **Yep three to four years in and I'm still learning how to use 's tool's. God kill me now...**

 **Thanks for Fireflower19 for acting as my temporary beta reader/ co author for this chapter. Without him this chapter wouldn't have been as good as it and I wouldn't learn so much!**

 **Songs listened to this chapter.**

 **Nier: Yonah/This Dream/Repose/Emil's Sacrifice**

 **The Girl Who Leapt Through Time: Daylife**

 **Any questions just PM me, make sure to review if you like!**


	4. Chiral Reflections With Good Intentions

If you were unlikely enough to be facing the Mouri Detective Agency while it currently rained outside, then perchance you'd happen to see a sad, little boy glancing out, hating himself as he saw his too-young face reflected against the glass window.

The Agency itself was a muddled mess. While the family inside wasn't living in their own filth, clutter was everywhere. It reminded Shinichi of the devastation after a bomb, but the shrapnel only blanketed the room instead of obliterating it.

Perhaps he was responsible for all of this. It wasn't the first time the thought crossed his mind and it certainly wouldn't be the last. Looking behind would mean having to face his chiral shadows, one tall and twisted, the other small and stunted. Which one was really his was the question he hoped he wouldn't have to ask again. Shinichi wondered what would happen if he chose to look at both of his shadows right now, how likely would it that the actions of both would continue to have great consequences that he in his naivety couldn't possibly foresee?

Who knew what he surmised to be the best option was also the one that would rebound the most?

Looking around as he leaned over the window sill, he could only be amazed at how much of a sloppy mess he and Kogoro could make. Shinichi doesn't really believe in the whole traditional gender scheme, but much to his chagrin, he admits the stereotype has a kernel of truth. Shinichi and Kogoro were doing their best, but while they may have been adept at the art of deduction (The Sleeping Sleuth was Shinichi's third shadow if he bothering to count) housecleaning was not a skill either of them would be putting on their resume.

Kogoro and Shinichi are both trying their best, but it isn't good enough. Ran usually handles the majority of the work, but since the incident it has fallen upon the two men of the house to share her responsibilities. So far it has come to naught.

As for dinner, fast food and takeout was proving to be nourishment enough. But now that he was reexamining all his decisions up to this point, Shinichi couldn't help but shudder at the way it was starting to crunch the Mouri Households finances. Shinichi dreaded the day when Kogoro went out on a case as that would be the day he would have to choose between leaving Ran again, or letting a criminal walk free.

Never before would he have considered letting a criminal go. It would probably be the most difficult decision he would ever make.

Then again, lots of thoughts he never thought he would have believed he could conceive were drifting into his purview, giving Shinichi a gross combination of disgust and relief. A tiny part of him felt sympathy for the criminals who killed for revenge. Maybe if someone you love is hurt, then it is the judgment of karma and fate to seek retribution. He never thought he'd understand the urge to kill but here he was, debating to himself how he was going to torture those bastards when he got his tiny hands on them…

Shinichi sighed, clenching his fists to hold his stress away from his heart. Just because he understood the reason, didn't make it right or correct. In fact, his instincts told him it would be even worse for them to be arrested and sent to prison, to face what they did and witness the overbearing strength of the person they thought was nothing more than a vehicle for sick pleasure.

Clutching tufts of his hair in frustration, Shinichi could do nothing more than look forlornly out the window, taking in the sight of the raindrops and condensation against the glass; endless neurons pulsating and focusing on every drop of water in a vain attempt to draw his attention elsewhere.

Ran wasn't doing so well. After she returned to the hospital she would hide in her room or simply linger around the agency like some kind of living ghost. She wasn't exactly ignoring Kogoro, but nor was she engaging within his presence, either. Shinichi scowled from the very idea of being more then civil to the incompetent bastard, briefly imaging his stupid face laughing with his tongue sticking out being reflected off the window.

Being a detective meant more than just solving a case, regardless of the intrinsic joy one may have in cracking a difficult case. It meant protecting the innocent, it meant never, ever letting the guilty get away and most importantly it meant never allowing betrayal by irrational emotions.

In Shinichi's mind's eye, Kogoro had forfeited his right to be called a detective, forever disqualified from calling himself a purveyor of justice. It made him sick just looking at him.

As if Shinichi were doing better. No one was telling him anything about the case! It is frustrating and never before has he felt so weak. He couldn't blame them truly – they thought he was just a kid and justly they refused to talk about adult matters. But still it made him feel even worse that he couldn't help bring the bastards who did this to her to justice.

Sooner or later, the police would wonder where Shinichi Kudo was during all of this, why he hadn't come to support his friend and realize he had gone missing. His parents could only make up excuses for so long until his truancy came back to reap what it sewed as his many lies began to collapse in on themselves. Then it was a matter of time until other dark actors noticed. It wasn't a matter of _if_ , it was a matter of _when_ , making Shinichi wonder how he got so tied up in the knot that was choking the life out of everyone around him.

It is like the mess he started was an oil spill and instead of burning away it continued to spread its black tentacles to everyone around him. It caused him pain that the lowest levels of the icy and scalding Naraka's couldn't match. All of this could have been avoided had he just ignored those men in black at the amusement park. If someone was to tell Shinichi he would regret trying to serve justice, he would have thought him mad. Now…

Ai was developing a temporary antidote just in case and while it would be painful to change into Shinichi, it would seem like a release in channeling some of his inner pain. Most importantly, Shinichi would appear again in order to protect her from _them,_ not the scum who hurt her but the real enemy. But at least the Black Organization just killed people.

Do rapists even feel remorse like a murderer? The thought struck Shinichi like a truncheon to the temple. Murder was one thing. At the very least they had a reason to kill, whatever idiotic and farcical the reason revealed itself to be. But, rape? How could anyone do that for some sick pleasure? Rapists are a deviation that need to be scourged from the earth.

Every one of Shinichi's instincts are completely off. All of his usual methods of investigation are now about as useful as going to college for tarot divination. He felt like he was playing Karuta and some bastard who thought himself clever had switched a card he memorized when he was swatting flies away.

Going to the crime scene would have made his stomach churn. It isn't just that he is sure whether or not any evidence is left, or the logistics of getting to the scene without anyone noticing would take an entire century to account for – it was that he didn't want to go. The idea of seeing the place where Ran was violated, making it real and giving the act the benefit of a monument to remember it, is too painful to even consider.

Even if he got a once in a lifetime chance to ask around for any potential witnesses, they would either tell the adults that he was investigating on his own so they would shut him down or would be suspicious as to how a kid knew so much about such a disgusting subject.

And Ran… He couldn't bear to put her through his questioning again. The last time he did she nearly succumb to a nervous breakdown and seeing her like that again would scar the both of them with a thousand cuts. There was no way he was asking her. Haibara had given him reading materials about this kind of thing, the contents telling him how to handle this situation and help Ran, but everything he tried was like flaying himself and putting more pressure on her.

Shinichi cannot think of a way to simultaneously solve the case and help Ran heal. It is a bitter pill to digest, but he is done deluding himself. He will have to pick one or the other and it is just too cruel for Shinichi to even properly fathom.

Shinichi's eyes drift down the street. Around the corner and a short walk over was a payphone. It was now Shinichi's only means of contact with Ran as Conan was with her twenty-four/seven.

As convenient as his alias had been at the time, Shinichi now curses it with all his might. It isn't that he no longer remembers the purpose of hiding the truth, but now it seems like he can no longer bear it.

While Conan is busy comforting his nee-chan, stupid Shinichi is supposed to be off somewhere, nowhere to be seen. While Ran is crying in her sleep, selfish Shinichi has decided to stay away because of his insatiable curiosity over the stupid case he is working on. All the while poor, sweet little Conan is desperately trying to clean up that baka Kudo's mess and Ran is sprawled on the shower floor, in the fetal position, sobbing desperately to herself…

When Kogoro rented the building, he didn't have enough hindsight necessary to see how having one bathroom would be a problem. With all the hot water gone and the public bath's not being an option for obvious reasons, Agasa had been more than happy to allow Ran access to his bathroom. Breaking into tears, she enveloped Agasa in a crushing bear hug, thanking him for his immense kindness.

That was when Shinichi realized that Haibara hadn't told Agasa what happened.

Cursing Haibara for weakness didn't do any good when he himself is guilty of the same. From what she had told him while the rest of the Shounen-tantei were entertaining Ran, she and Agasa had just returned home from a conference in Kyoto on the future of robotics and automation. Agasa had been the only entertaining speaker and yet everyone had looked at him in disapproval. Haibara had been the only one who clapped.

Due to Agasa insisting on driving to save money, they came home exhausted and ready to nap. As they were about to put away their suitcases, a call rang from the landline. Agasa had wanted to answer it, but Ai sternly told him to rest.

Ai admitted when she finally deciphered Ayumi's muffled sobs, the shounen-tantei felt responsible for what happened. Racing to get dressed and take a shower, she managed to convince Mitsuhiko's mother to take them to visit her.

At the hospital is when Haibara's poker face broke. Her nose started to sniffle and drip pale snot. She admitted to immediately figuring what the adults said had happened to Ran was a lie or so she divined. It sounded like a dodge that parents told their kids not to upset them, like when their pets died. In an act unlike herself, Ai embraced Shinichi and cried on his shoulder. He was too gobsmacked to refuse.

"Shinichi? What's wrong?" Concern is etched upon the professor's face. Some sort of grim likeness carved into a mountain. And seeing that, Shinichi breaks.

He tells him everything, as Agasa has been one of his oldest friends and the de facto guardian both he and Ran would run to as kids.

One torrent of explosive emotions later, Shinichi is shakily grasping a mug of tea, with his hiccupping getting in the way of letting him swallow the sweet nectar. Staring back at Agasa, it is clear what he had revealed was taking its toll. Kindhearted and optimistic to a fault, it didn't take a mathematician to see that Agasa never conceived of, let alone thought anything of the sort could possibly happen to either of them. Blinking tears, his eyes dart to the cupboard where he keeps his wine. Agasa never drinks except on celebratory occasions. Shinichi predicts there will be an exception later.

Finally, after eternity itself passes, Agasa speaks.

"Shinichi…" Hesitating in a way that makes the boy think he is going to hear something he doesn't want, Agasa continued: "This is not your fault." Big blue eyes stare at the older man, and then he shakes his head as he bites his lip. Agasa reads into it like a book. "Don't go thinking that. Please. You couldn't have done anything to prevent it. You understand that…right, Shinichi?" Agasa's kind words fall on stone ears.

A heartbroken expression courses the professor's face. Slowly he nudges closer to Shinichi and holds him as the poor boy sobs in frustration.

Once they had calm down, they discussed other important matters. "I think…this changes the dynamic quite a bit. Have you thought about what you are going to tell Ran once you call her as Shinichi again?"

Shinichi freezes, suddenly aware of how cold the room has become. He completely forgot in his immense overwhelming grief he'd never called Ran as himself. Shame washing through his veins, he puts his face in his hands and rubs the wetness and tension from his forehead.

 _Fuck… My best friend got raped and all I could do was think of myself._ Shinichi feels like he is going to cry again. Some man he is, abandoning Ran due to his cowardice. She probably thinks he is a complete bastard who doesn't care or thinks his big case is more important to him than her.

"Where's Haibara!" Shinichi doesn't wait for Agasa to answer.

Running down the stairs into the basement, Shinichi hops over the final two steps, tripping over his tiny legs, nearly falling backwards before catching himself on the lowermost step. Carefully, he places his outstretched legs back on the ground.

A disaster of biblical proportions had struck Haibara's room, becoming more like some kind of hellish typhoon. Agasa had attempted to make it as homey as possible for her, but the period between when she came home from school and today was akin to the difference between a city before an earthquake and after. Books about women biology were strewn all about the floor, upturned and misplaced. On one cluttered coffee table is a jumble of beakers, funnels, flasks and vials.

Once, Shinichi would have laughed at how messy Haibara's room is. Shinichi always theorized the auburn midget has OCD given how tidy and prepared she is at any moment. Maybe it is a scientist thing, or more like a woman thing. He couldn't exactly picture Agasa carrying medication and hygiene products with him everywhere he went.

Scouring the room, he waddles through the devastation and finally found Haibara with her nose decked inside a book. She is a complete mess; disheveled like she is homeless and her tussled locks unkempt like the cliché he had no doubt she hated.

Shinichi was too drained emotionally to think of a joke that would make her feel better, so he cut straight to the point. "Haibara, I think we need to tell Ran the truth." Curt and to the point, Shinichi didn't want to waste any time.

He waits no longer then ten seconds. It should be more than enough time for the pain in the ass to respond. Gritting his teeth, he roughly latches onto her shoulder, shaking her limp body in frustration.

"Haibara! Answer me damn… it?" Just then, Haibara cocks her head to meet Shinichi's gaze and he loosens his grip until he retracts his arm. Shinichi could gaze in amazement at the pellucid stare with a vague expression of garboil.

When a gaunt shade that was once a friend stares back at you, the only natural reaction one can have is horror. Skin as white as alabaster shines through the darkness, the only color drawn upon her face is her puffy red eyelids, abounded by dark circles woven underneath. It isn't from lack of sleep, though she probably spent the last twenty-four hours working on something… Divining her circumstance was far from what Shinichi wished to waste his time on.

"Haibara?" There is no answer as Haibara's grim expression changed into one of somber and regret, looking as if the thoughts swirling above her dome were giant hornets embedding their stings into her skull.

Sighing to herself, she straightens her posture and stares Shinichi in the eye. If possible, she appears even more serious than ever, but this time her curt demeanor has an edge of sympathy to it, almost looking at him like he is one of the most piteous things in the world.

"Shinichi," Ai croaks, as if she has forgotten how to speak. "I know why you came here, and the answer is no."

Shinichi is already crying again. He knew the answer a day and a half before he could think to ask, but it didn't make it any less easier. "What? Why!"

"Because no matter what has happened to her, it'll be even worse if _they_ find out you are alive!" Haibara is being unusually emotional, but that aberration didn't stop the boy from noticing how she seemed to still be as tough as nails. "It is simply a matter of whether you want to kill her or protect her."

Shinichi couldn't listen to this. "It's different now – "

"Nothing's changed, Shinichi!" Haibara's voice breaks as she tries to calm herself, but she gives up halfway through, ultimately declining like the final act of an orchestra. "I know you feel guilty but telling her in her emotional state could have unforeseen consequences. What if she slips up in front of your classmates? What if the knowledge causes her to hurt herself, or other's because the truth overwhelms her! And, what about you? What if you say something to make it worse! Think logica– "

Recoiling like he has been slapped, Shinichi lashes out viciously. "Fuck you! You think I of all people intend to cause her any more misery? All these months I've justified keeping it a secret exactly because of your logic and reasoning, even before you… Well, sometimes distancing yourself from your emotions is impossible!"

Relishing the frightened look on Haibara's face, Shinichi continues, "She's been hurt! She probably thinks that I'm off somewhere cavorting with another woman while she suffers in silence! You know she confessed she loved me? That she kissed me and cried cause she thought she was taking advantage of a six-year-old? How can I leave?"

Haibara's eyes widened as the boy who had defused bombs and faced killers without an iota of fear, broke down just like the child he appears to the world to be. He is tired of everything! He wants to be Shinichi again even if his body was more like some Kaftkaesque chiral then the true him.

"I don't want Conan to be my replacement, Haibara. I want Shinichi to help her through this! If that means admitting that I lied to her, then that's the price I'm going to pay. I…I don't want her to hate me!"

It was then that all sympathy melted from Haibara's face like snow. "Well, tell me the truth then, Kudo-kun. Are you doing this to make her feel better, or to absolve yourself of guilt?" Haibara is never one to dance around the truth, but her bluntness isn't what Shinichi wanted to hear.

Trembling from the audacity of the accusation, Shinichi's sadness turns to frothy rage in his mouth. A sickening fire burns his entire body. Trying to reason with Haibara is pointless. Shinichi is in such a blind, blackened rage he would barely remember what happened next. With the bloody, nauseating aftermath being inscribed in his mind, he had no choice but to rely on extraneous account by Agasa and Haibara.

A series of loud crashes reverberate through the house from the basement, causing Agasa to check to see what is going on down there. Opening the door, he sees Shinichi and Haibara struggling on the ground, with Kudo trying and failing to beat Haibara's face with his tiny fists, while an equally livid Haibara bit and kicked her way out from under.

 _It must have been a pathetic sight for old hakasa,_ Shinichi thinks to himself as he watches the excess rain puddle and flood down the storm drain, thinking the shadow of the great Detective of the East was infecting everyone around him.

Even when Agasa came down the stairs after seeing the two struggling against each other like flies trapped in molasses, Shinichi's anger and feelings of self-disgust didn't fade away. Agasa yanked the both of them from their violent embrace as he stared with the angriest expression Shinichi ever saw.

"Both of you, calm down! Do I have to remind you two that you are older than you appear to be!" Agasa would never admit it to him, but Shinichi realized that moment was the first time the professor was ever disappointed in him.

Shinichi, meanwhile, struggled against the hold, twisting in a vain effort to escape from the old man's grasp. Every emotion and feeling slipped in at once. "How could you do this to me, Haibara! I thought you of all people would understand! Don't you care about Ran at all? What can you possibly know about what she is going through!"

Ai, with a furious look on her face, stomped over to Shinichi and kicked him straight in the balls. That was the first thing he truly remembered.

"Kudo-kun, if beating my face will make you feel better, then I won't stop you. I've already hurt you enough." Haibara wiped the blood from her mouth with the back of her sleeve, her cold eyes glinting hard as stone. "But, don't you _dare_ mistake my serenity for lack of empathy or grief. Believe it or not, your pain is not the one that matters here!"

Arsenal wise, Shinichi had nothing left. He had done everything he could think of to ease the weight on his shoulders and all of those futile acts of emotion had yielded nothing but a heavier load.

If Haibara and him were truly two of a kind, too smart for other people, too dumb to understand the concept of the spectrum of emotions, then they were both heartless.

"Ai..." Haibara eyes widened. That was the first time he had called her by her first name. "I'm sor...ry?" Shinichi paused in the middle of the apology when she saw Ai stare at him like she was shell-shocked. Shinichi was at attention in a matter of seconds. This wasn't Ai's normal brooding.

"Kudo-kun… Did you come with Ran-kun?"

Rubbing his hand on the back of his neck nervously, Shinichi answered. "Yeah… She was the one who dropped me off."

"How long have you and Mouri-san been here? Did she ask to take a shower?" Ai was panicking and completely different from a few minutes ago. It was quite infectious as now he was worried as to why she was worried about Ran. Did she expect him to join her? That wasn't funny, but it made just as much sense.

"W-what?"

Ai wrung Shinichi by his collar, but the countenance on her face was wholly one of terror. It was clear she was worried about Ran, but Shinichi couldn't deduce what she was worried about. "Answer me! When did she ask to take a shower and how long has she been in there?"

"T-two hours." Shinichi sputters. The sun had been up when they came in and now it was setting. If Ai had a point, Shinichi must have been either too drained or dumb to get it. "What has that got to do with anything?"

"Have you or hakase heard from her, or checked up on her at any point during those two hours?" Ai's voice was cracking like an egg. This wasn't normal for her at all. Even at her most frightened she had an air of calm that coursed through like running water. This Ai was a completely different one from any he had seen before.

"W-w-w-was I supposed to... We both thought it best to leave…her…" Oh god. Shinichi now understood what Ai was getting at as his pupils shrank in fear. Every muscle in his chest felt like it was about to spring free from his rib cage and take flight like some sort of hawk. Moving numbly towards the stairs like he was made out of rusted tin, he finally sprinted and dashed up, praying that he wasn't too late.

"Wait, Shinichi! Ai! Ran-chan has been through the worse experience a woman can go through, it's natural!" Agasa's voice echoed further and further away as he made it to the stairs, crying too much to listen. Given how fast he was running and how much of a dumb idiot he was, he half expected the barometric pressure to burst out from behind his eyes.

How could he be so stupid? He was so focused on his own misery that he had forgotten about Ran herself! How could he do that? For the first time ever he had left her to face her worse nightmares alone? Ran isn't suicidal, but then again, she isn't exactly acting like _Ran_ , either!

Shinichi fears the worst as he makes it up to the bathroom. He must have outpaced Haibara as she was no longer at his heels. Knocking on the door resulted in no answer. "Ran!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, but there was no answer aside from the muffled roar of running water when he pressed his ear hard against the wood. With bare feet he can feel the wetness just below the door.

His heart is breaking as he knows what must have happened and now the shattered pieces feel like they are flowing apart from his heightened blood pressure. On tip-toes, he reaches the doorknob only to find it locked.

"Damn it!" Climbing upwards with his legs, he struggles to jimmy the door until he yanks so hard the knob rips clean out. Falling on his back, he throws it at the door in frustration.

Ai appears, stomping up the stairs with Shinichi's shoes cradled in her arms. With a understanding look, she drops them and goes downstairs to get her medical supplies. Pulling on his shoes without even bothering to tie them, Shinichi turns the dial up all the way before completely smashing open the door. Steam rising into the archway, Shinichi runs in, ignoring the horrible pain in his foot while praying Ran is still alive by some miracle.

Ran is crouched in the front of the shower, cradling herself in a fetal position. She rocks back and forth in an apparent struggle to protect herself. Soapy foam flushes down the drain, but Shinichi's attention was drawn to his crush's body.

Ever since she started maturing, Shinichi couldn't help but notice. He wasn't proud of it, but fantasies came anyway. He always made sure to look when she herself wasn't looking because it was not only rude but disrespectful to Ran. He thought of her as more than an object, but ever since becoming Conan he was constantly put into situations where he had no choice but to see her sex appeal and despite his best efforts Shinichi relished them.

Now, he couldn't help but stare. That itself isn't unusual, but unlike before the reason is different. His jaw goes slack and if possible, he became even paler from the horror of her body. A squeal of fear couldn't help but emerge from his mouth. Ran's sodden form looked terrible from how beaten and abused it is. Shinichi wondered if he could ever look at speckled yellow bruises one gets from healing ever again.

As if some wicked, savage part of him had no control over his nether regions, he felt himself get hard. _No, not now, not to her_! Haibara would later explain it away as an automatic response and try to drill into his thick skull that erections didn't equal arousal. It didn't matter. Shinichi felt like he had raped her all over again and couldn't look at her the same way.

That was the exact same time Ran noticed his intrusion. "Conan! Don't look!" Screeching, she flailed, catching Shinichi in the eye and causing him to fly out the doorway like a basketball. Bouncing against the floor and other wall, the boy could hear a loud dinging going off in his head, causing his vision to blur. Conan briefly thought he had a concussion until he saw that a lens had skidded across the floor from his glasses.

Covering the front of herself in a towel, Ran quietly wept, apologetic and with a look of pure suffering on her delicate, angelic features.

Barely covering herself, Ran rushed to his side, any sense of modesty forgotten by her regrets. "Conan, honey, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it, I swear! Are you okay?" Touching him, Shinichi suddenly yanked away from his love's grasp, more out of jerked muscle memory then actual fear.

But Ran didn't interpret it that way. Ever since she returned home "Conan" couldn't look at her in the eye. She took this to mean that he didn't trust her anymore, or something like that, but the opposite was true. He simply couldn't trust himself.

So, he stood at the window, trying his best to work up the nerve to call, making sure she knew he didn't forget her, so she could know he cared, regardless of the many truths he was hiding from.

As he glanced through the pane an air of unease commenced throughout his soul, scratching at his brain for a reason he came up short in understanding. There was something about the window that oozed familiarity. In fact, looking at it now the window was much too reminiscent of the mirror in Agasa's bathroom.

The bottom of his stomach immediately dropping away, Shinichi could no longer bare looking out it. He had to do something, Haibara be damned. He may have been reluctant, scared even, but he had no choice.

Putting on his yellow raincoat in a huff, Shinichi ran out into the stormy night, not even bothering to bring an umbrella.

* * *

 _ **You have reached the Mouri Detective Agency. If you have a message regarding a case press-**_

 **BEEP**

 **Shinichi: Hey Ran… I'm so sorry I haven't been able to pick up. I've been very busy to be honest. Please forgive me. I-I miss you…**

 **BEEP**

 **Ran: Shinichi! Is that really you?**

 **[Nervous tittering, followed by a cough.]**

 **Shinichi: Yeah, who else, baka?**

 **[Mixture of feminine laughter/sobbing, followed by a sigh of relief.]**

 **Ran: Oh, Shinichi! You have no idea how glad I am hear from you!**

 **[Awkward pause]**

 **There's something I have to tell you Shinichi. I'm very a-afraid to, but I need you…to promise me you won't think less of me for it.**

 **Shinichi: I could never do that, Ran. Not in a million lifetimes.**

 **Ran: [Breaking down in tears] Shinichi, I was raped!**

 **Shinichi: Yeah…I know.**

 **[A pause with a breadth of thirty-two seconds only punctuated by ragged breathing by Shinichi]**

 **Shinichi: Ran? Are you there? Please talk to me!**

 **Ran: Shinichi…what do you mean you know?**

 **Shinichi: What?**

 **Ran: Please, Shinichi it's a simple question… How'd you know? How do you always know what is happening to me, yet you act like you can't come. Even now, you didn't pick up the phone till…till now. Do you really think I'm that –**

 **Shinichi: No, Ran, I'm sorry! I misspoke!**

 **[Weeping]**

 **Shinichi: No, Ran, please don't cry!**

 **Ran: Please, Shinichi… For once don't lie to me. I've noticed that Conan isn't here. Do you have him call you every time to check up on me? Why couldn't you just do it yourself? You have never done anything like this! I thought we were close, but it's like I don't even know you anymore!**

 **Shinichi: Ran, you have to understand! The case I'm on –**

 **Ran: SHUT UP! JUST, SHUT UP! I don't wanna hear about it anymore! If it's so important why won't you tell me what it is? You were always more than willing to brag about all your other cases. Why is this different?!**

 **Shinichi: Ran, please listen!**

 **Ran: No, Shinichi! I'm sick of hearing all your lies! You knew what had happened to me, yet you didn't call because of how busy you were. But, I bet you were more then willing to have Conan tell you everything. All the bloody details!**

 **Shinichi: [Inaudible]**

 **Ran: Shinichi, I've been making excuses for you for months. Sonoko thought I should have moved on, but I never did. You want to know why? Because I believed in you! Because I love you! [Crying] Not only did I trust you to come back…but I thought you trusted me in return. Now, I know the truth.**

 **Shinichi: Ran?**

 **Ran: Please don't call again.**

 **[Dial tone]**

 **Shinichi: …Ran?**

 **[Immense sobbing]**

 **Shinichi: Ran…come back. Please…come back.**

* * *

 **You know me I can't let my torture subjects- I MEAN ADAPTED CHARACTERS be happy for long.  
**

 **This seems to be working along a nice pace isn't it? I think the next chapter will come quick as well!**

 **Also Littwink's back! YAY! Special thanks for her and Fireflower19's help again. I really think I'm improving!**

 **Here's the soundtrack**

 **1\. Angel Beats: My Soul Your Beats**

 **2\. The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya: The World God Only knows**

 **3\. Any lo fi, Miyazaki, Nier, or Silent Hill 2 OST**


	5. Endless Light Leads To Beautiful Nights

Down and down the booze, swirling into the drain like a bug in a pitcher plant, and along with it came Kogoro's happiness.

It would have been simply unrealistic to get rid it of all. Last time that happened he bit Ran's head off every chance he got. He might as well as try to replace his blood.

Right next to the sink was the recently signed divorce papers. He hid them away where neither the brat or Ran could find them, right next to his still hidden porn stash and the rancid five year old beer he had hidden when Ran tried to throw away his main voice of choice in a fit of.

Sighing as he thought about the hiding place, he thought to himself that if those fragments were puzzle pieces to what he did wrong, then that same picture the jigsaw represented wasn't a fitting metaphor for their marriage then he didn't know what was.

It took him hours to strengthen his resolve to signing them. Not because he didn't agree with her or that he didn't see why they were necessary but because it was harder then it looked. You'd think signing your name on a piece of paper would be easy but every time his hands shook so fiercely that Kogoro actually thought he was going through withdrawals. But downing a can of beer didn't help his constitution either, as the only thing it resulted in was a skull pounding headache.

Maybe he was afraid of how this era in his life was about to end. Despite being stubborn idiot and a jackass to boot, the old PI could still admit to himself that he was in the wrong, even if his pride was too much a integral part of him to be shed. It seemed like only yesterday that being a drunk and bereft of the truth about himself insured his vigor and resilience. Nowadays he was sober and awakened to reality. All those supposed benefits of sobriety were complete horseshit. It just that made him feel even more old and decrepit.

Eri hadn't deigned to show herself after being with Ran constantly in the hospital with the only time he had seen his wife was at the school and only because the lawyer didn't trust him enough to do it by himself. Looking almost as weary as Kogoro did, Eri had overcompensated for her own ragged appearance at the hospital by over applying her usually striking makeup and tightening the bun she put her hair in until the hairstyle seemed to stretch her face gaunt.

They were in and out, and while Eri seemed to at least reply to him when he asked a question, the only time Eri even acknowledged him was to press the divorce papers into his arms. She didn't even bother to fight with him which in any other circumstance would be a great thing. Considering that she hadn't visited Ran, the gumshoe didn't know whether this was a good sign or not. He certainly hoped that Eri didn't spend her all her time typing up this paperwork or Kogoro swore that there would be hell to pay…

Sighing, the old drunk rubbed his temples before pressing the surface area between his eyes to alleviate a incoming migraine. As much as Kogoro wanted to hate her for it, he just couldn't. She was trying to cope the best she could, but it was just the different side of the coin Kogoro's face was minted upon. The only difference was that she was probably doing a better job of protecting Ran by being productive and truly doing something useful to help instead of some empty promises.

A brief but loud whimper emerged from the silence to strangle and torture his ears, causing him to be up at attention from the heaving position he held over the sink. Ran was asleep now but Kogoro expected to be kept awake the entire night. Without beer to lull him to sleep and the expectation of Ran waking up screaming again. Kogoro was used to watching her sleep by now, staying up until the streaks of dawn snaked through the window and Kogoro made sure to leave before she woke up as to not freak her out again.

Even in her sleep, his only daughter, his happy beautiful baby girl, could never get any peace. Whatever few expressions that her face revealed when she rested shined with terror and misery. All she could do was shudder no matter how many blankets that she tried to protect herself with. When he and Conan tried to comfort by stroking her face, she would cry out in her sleep but at least it made her calmer.

Kogoro couldn't help but cry himself but unlike the brat, he was an adult and a man so he could not do it in front of anybody. But no matter how much he would try, his emotions got the better of him and he would return to his desk, where he would wake up drowning in drool and tears instead of beer.

Originally Ran had been panicking that she would be expelled for missing school. Striving to at least temper a tiny bit of Ran's white-hot pain, he offered to visit the faculty to explain what had happened. It was the most difficult decision, he hoped would never again have to choose between, but he believed it was best to leave her with Conan while he sauntered off to the school. But maybe that wasn't a bad thing necessarily. He at least appeared to be the only one who made her smile.

Eri as always had been way ahead of him and took the initiative to actually set up an appointment with the principal in advance instead of just barging in like Kogoro did. He was two seconds in before he was attacked by a huge group of guards. Scratch that, not guards, regular instructors who looked completely.

Kogoro had tried to explain but apparently if you broke into a high school looking like a crazy bum, the staff was less inclined to listen to you as the English gym teacher's rear squeezed your head until it popped like a balloon. Kogoro would have enjoyed it more if she wasn't yanking on his arm while doing it.

And to think that schools had gotten more and more progressive then the last time he went, since when did school teachers get so violent?

As Kogoro was being pinned down, a silhouette blocked the sun. He didn't even see her how radiant she was until his eyes adjusted to the sun. Like a elegant and erudite goddess, she stood cast against the building facing her husband with a stern look upon her face.

Rolling her eyes, Eri offered her hand. "He's not a bum or a chikan, though he certainly looks like one. He's my… Husband." The way she reluctantly spat out the word like it was a curse was a ill omen, along with the briefcase she held by her hip. The staff recognized her immediately and got off of her husband. Kogoro briefly wondered why they didn't recognize him but then realized that as busy as she was, Eri always took time to go to PTA meetings while Kogoro only visited at special events.

Kogoro couldn't help but have a wan smile on his face. "Thanks."

That was clearly the wrong choice, making Kogoro flinch when he recalled the scornful tone that Eri Kisaki had spat out. "I'm not doing this for _you_ Kogoro, but if you want to come along that's fine. Just don't fuck things like you have already." To his surprise the words came out lighter then her husband thought they would have. Maybe he imagined the regret that was poured over her voice, who knows.

As they walked into the school, various students who were busy with their lunches swarmed them like locusts. Kogoro couldn't help but smile at how popular his daughter was, just like her mother and in stark contrast to himself. A few cute girls recognized him as the Sleeping Sleuth and at first Kogoro was happy for the attention, but he had seen Eri's wrath enough today. Besides most of Ran's class knew him to be openly perverted so they avoided him at all costs.

When they were halfway there a few boys stepped forward. There were three of them, all with black hair and uniforms that marked them as seniors. Their swagger reminded him of Kudo and nor in a good way.

"Are you Ran Mouri's father and mother?" One of them asked, though Kogoro had a feeling that they knew perfectly well who they were and were just being facisious. "How is Ran-chan anyway?"

The glare the both of them sent scared them off. Though Kogoro's recollection was hampered by his many drinks, he didn't know these boys and they seemed to exude arrogance and entitlement. He certainly didn't want these punks sniffing around his daughter and Ran made him pinky swear not to tell anyone until she could. "None of your damn business you brat!"

They left after that but not before the one last in line mumbled "sorry old drunk" and stole a glance at Eri's butt. Of course he knew this was where that little pervert was looking because he followed his line of sight, watching her curvaceous rear sway with her hips...

Suddenly stopping, Eri glared at him with a huge look of disgust that promised immediate pain. Kogoro was prepared for the backhand but that didn't mean it still stung. "Really, Kogoro?" Eri yelled somewhat subdued and exasperated to keep everyone from knowing. He probably deserved that though it wasn't like he was turned on or anything.

Going upstairs, it was extremely quiet and empty with only the sound of their footsteps to punctuate the void. Always the life of the proverbial party, Kogoro was creeped out and felt that if he didn't try his best to start up some kind of conversation to end

"So who were those little bastards anyway?" Kogoro was hoping that this topic was neutral enough for them to agree upon without starting a fight.

Eri sighed, clearly only about to reply for the sake of being civil. "They're seniors who wont leave Ran alone. They keep trying to flirt with her and ask her out despite her rejecting them. Last I heard Ran was being polite to them, thinking that it's a misunderstanding."

Kogoro felt like he was about to blow a gasket growling in rage but not only at the boys. He was just as pissed at Eri. Shouldn't be told this kind of stuff so he could take care of it, his way?

But there was no point in pouring gasoline on a oil fire. That would be just what she wanted. "And… When exactly was the time I was supposed to know about this? He said carefully, unable to hide his rage.

A vein pulsated in Eri's head. "Maybe if you actually talked to her then you'd know what her day was like."

Kogoro was struck silent by the truth of that statement. But being sober made his mind connect more. It was now his turn to get angry.

"I still have the right to know Eri. She's my daughter too."

Eri's eyes flashed coldly from underneath her lenses, refracting light from the steelu gaze. "Oh? there's a first time for everything?"

That was the straw that broke the camels back. "Eri enough!" She gave him a coy glance that pissed him off further. "You are right. I have been a shitty father but at least I'm trying my best to make up for it. I wish I could say the same for you!"

"Enough. Were late for the appointment." Kogoro was fuming. How could she act so cold? He didn't give a shit how she treated him but that was no reason to take it out of their daughter of all people! Thinking the matter was done with, Eri started to walk away but Kogoro wasn't finished.

Just as they were about to enter the headmaster's office, Kogoro went ahead of his wife and blocked the lawyer from entering. Eri having begun to open that door, stopped dead in her tracks, digging her her heels in he got in front of her and held the door aloft, unintentionally allowing the secretary to get a full view of their soon to be heated conversation.

"Eri, enough! I'm sick of this holier then thou crap. You haven't visited your own daughter for a week! Meanwhile, I've been scrounging around on my own. What the hell have you have been doing so far?"

Stopping, Eri turned around facing away from the door to the office so no one could see her. She looked directly in Kogoro's eyes.

She was crying.

Wiping her tears away with her sleeve, a surprisingly unladylike thing for the usually graceful Eri, but when Kogoro tried to reach out for her, she shot daggers at his fingers and despite the sheer intangible abstraction of her fiery gaze, Kogoro could almost feel those sharpened knives slice through his fingers instead of phasing through. She ducked under his arm and said nothing.

As Kogoro was feeling the phantom pain at the imaginary loss of his fingers, a young secretary ushered the both of them in. Noticing there were others around to see her zipped up emotions, Eri put her mask of cold courtesy back on and continued, not for the first time choosing a mask instead of a true face.

The guy looked like he was rather conservative and Kogoro wondered if he would have been less sympathetic that if he told him that Ran had gotten raped at a party that she herself had attended, as if that was an excuse to blame an innocent woman for her pain. Then he and Eri would have to kill him and Kogoro doubted that her father and guardian being in prison would benefit Ran very much. Instead, Kogoro just told him just the bare details and left it at that.

There were several times during the conversation where Eri nearly snapped at the headmaster, a pissed look on her face as she tapped the pencil she kept on her hair upon the desk. TAP TAP TAP, the rhythm of graphite on wood went. After learning what he learned from Eri, the thought of strangling him permeated his mind. While the old man didn't dare do it in front of what he thought was her husband but apparently when the headmaster was alone with the attractive lawyer, he would often hit on someone less then half his age, all due to the fact that she sometimes forgot her wedding ring.

Yeah, that was just one of the many nasty things he had to learn that day. Teeth grinding and knuckles rapping against the counter in the now, the fact that he was taking heavy advantage of his power made him want to gag. It gave him new appreciation for being a woman, and he promised to beat the shit out of him if he ever did anything over the line.

Giving that she probably had to keep her temper and courtesy for her daughter's sake, it was amazing how good she was at keeping her anger in check. There were a few times when he would make a comment at the beginning and Eri would have snapped had Kogoro hadn't interrupted her. She was pissed, he could tell it by her face but she would thank him for it later.

Besides the guy at the very least seem genuinely apologetic so he wasn't a complete scumbag. Or at the very least he liked women who were legal.

After the interview ended, Eri apologized. "Kogoro… Hey, thank you for handling that." That in itself was so amazing that all he could do was stare blankly at her. She had been rather antagonistic towards the principal and for once she seemed to be the one feeding off of her emotions.

They left on even terms, both giving each other an atmosphere of pure dissociation. But before Kogoro left something infuriating happened. Ran's homeroom teacher came running out, asking him where Shinichi Kudo was because he would be expelled soon if he missed any more classes and wanted him to ask Ran if she knew because he and his classmates were worried.

Gritting his teeth in rage, the very thought of that little bastard showing himself again made his parental instincts go into overdrive, specifically kill mode. Kogoro had never liked Shinichi Kudo, not even as a pint sized brat. The only reason he tolerated him was that Ran and Eri (though she wouldn't admit it) had a soft spot for him. His parents were too free range and laze-faire to his liking, making the boy grow too arrogant, too cocky, and a smart ass to boot. Kogoro's biggest fear was that Ran would come home with her stomach swelled up and Kudo's proud wise-ass grin reflecting back on to him as Ran told her father that she wanted to marry him.

Of course, the fear of either Ran or Eri being taking advantage of was always an ever present blight on his mind. That's why he was delighted when Ran said she wanted to do Karate and he was more then happy to foot the bill. Eri meanwhile had shown to be adept at Judo, even surpassing Kogoro a couple times. Kogoro always had faith that if Kudo tried anything, Ran would be able to hit his head so hard that he lost his irritating ability to get in the way. It was the emotional damage that he was afraid of, because Ran appeared to like, god forbid love Kudo.

Not for the first time his fears came to life. When Kogoro had gotten home from a food run, soaked to the bone from rain and cold. before he could even go up the stairs from the Café Poirot the poor beleaguered alcoholic heard immense crashes and stomping from above, almost like a bull was raging in a china shop.

Dropping the food, and racing up the stairs, Kogoro's fears of the rapists returning was thankfully brief but what he heard didn't quell his fears either. By middle steps, Kogoro could tell that it was a woman. By the uppermost steps, Kogoro knew it was Ran.

Ceasing in the intensity of his speed, if possible more worried then he had been before, Kogoro came in unannounced. Ran wasn't paying attention to him. Crying, she was slamming the telephone itself in the landline, smashing it to splinters before beginning to dent the metal desk itself.

"Baka, Baka, Baka Shinichi! Why? How! How could you do this to me? Bastard, baka, baka, baka…!" Kogoro was stunned. Ran rarely cursed and that wasn't just the navivity of a father speaking. Having secretly listened to her and Sonoko's conversations, he knew that sometimes she chided her own best friend for language. It just didn't seem to be in her…

That didn't matter. Heartbroken and betrayed, she turned the words baka and bastard into a mad chant, almost completely incomprehensible over her sobbing as he slammed her other fist into the desk, giving the desk the appearance of squeezed can of toothpaste.

Realizing that if he didn't do something soon, Ran was going to harm herself, Kogoro quickly grabbed his daughter's arms and noticed to his horror there was blood dripping from her knuckles. Ran tried her best to get out of his hold, but her struggling was in vain. "Ran, calm down, please-"

SMACK

Kogoro fell to the ground, grinding his face against the carpet. Ran's eyes finally opened as Ran turned her back on him and pulled at her hair. Kogoro had to say something quickly.

"Keep hitting me!" Okay that wasn't his best idea but he was much to too frayed to think of something.

Perhaps his fear had outran his common sense and Ran felt too baffled at what he had just said. A confused look ingrained upon her face, Kogoro struggled to find words as he reeled over his knees and struggled to breathe over his leaden sobs.

"I'm so sorry! I've failed you as a father! I have tried my best to protect you but all I've done is hurt you more and more… God… Darling I don't know what to say. I'm not good at words… But please don't hurt yourself any more! Hurt me, I-I-I deserve it!" Kogoro bawled. He hadn't intended to make this without himself but denial could only be your mistress for so long.

Gently rubbing her knuckles, twinging at the sprain, Ran glanced towards the door, obviously wondering where Conan was… Then she turned her hands into fists and walked towards her father with a slow stride.

Kogoro closed his eyes, preparing to be hurt. Who was he kidding, the fact that he caused his daughter so much would be worst then any cuts or broken bones that Ran could give him. He would endure this, just like he deserved.

"Otou-san..." The azure blue outside shined inside the house, contrasting with the navy blue that shadowed the front of the agency. Kogoro cast his head down unable to look his daughter in the face.

Ran squatted down to his level and lifted up his chin to look him in the eye. Crying, she embraced him in an enormous bearhug, resting her face in the crook of his neck. "I'm so sorry!"

Kogoro couldn't believe this. He was the one who had fucked up yet his daughter was the one apologizing? It amazed him. Even now she was worrying more about others then herself, even a sad old drunk and sorry excuse of a father like himself… Tears silently streamed down his face. He couldn't cry. "Oh honey… You have nothing to say sorry for… Why are you… Hegh!" When Ran squeezed tighter, the air came squeaking out of his lungs. He was probably going to die or have his ribs broken if Ran were to apply the pressure any harder but if that gave her comfort then who was he to judge?

"I-I d-d-didn't m-mean it when I-I s-said I hated the both of you! I was just upset! Y-y-y-your both trying your best..." Ran sniffled and sobbed heartily, struggling for air.

So that was the thick of it… But it wasn't right. Carefully he loosened her grip on his torso and stroked Ran's hair, just like he had done when she was a little girl. "Ran, please stop worrying about me… You have nothing to say sorry for. What you said was completely right.

Guileless eyes stared back up at him, big and watery, Her lips moved like she was about to argue but Kogoro gently put a finger to her lips to shush her, careful not to touch her lips to avoid potentially bringing back any bad memories and to not breach her her personal space.

"Hey don't argue… Kogoro smiled to make it clear to Ran that he meant it playfully. "Just tell me what happened what did that brat do?"

Ran's eyes waved from side side to side suddenly unsure of herself. That unnerved him deeply. Just what could Kudo have said to make her _that_ upset? "Okay... But you must promise not to get angry."

Kogoro knew for a fact by what he overheard and by Ran's reaction to what he had done that would be impossible. Already, he was planning ways to kill the bastard but little white lies weren't too harmful compared to the big lie he had told her at the beginning of this mess.

"Okay I promise."

"Pinky swear?" Ran held it aloft. It figured that she would take faith in things like that. In any other situation that would make him smile.

"Pinky swear." He rumbled, praying that his masculinity wouldn't be too damaged. Then again did it even matter at this point?

It was worse then he imagined. Kogoro thought that Kudo had told her that she wasn't coming home again or at the very worst would reject any proclamation of love. This was worse. Heji Hattori was right, Kudo had been watching her… And didn't care enough to visit his daughter even in her darkest moment.

Deflowered by force and spurned in love, not even by the same guy… It made him sick! Were all men just Wolves who wanted to eat his daughter until there was nothing left then bones? Were woman just prey to these assholes?

Kogoro wasn't mad, oh no no no, that was an understatement. He didn't know there was a word for what he felt. What do you call it when you're so fucking furious that you want to do things you'd never think of doing else wise?

Just then Conan came in sniffling, his eyes downcast as he cried all over the floor. Pushing him away and getting out of his hold to rush to the kid's side, it was a wonder how Ran found time to take care of herself given how she spent much of the day being Conan's personal nanny. And given how much he resembled Kudo at that age…

The thought was gone as soon as it popped back into his mind, and with it came unrelenting waves of shame. That wasn't fair to him, it isn't Conan's fault that he looked like his bastard of a cousin. It almost made Kogoro want… Want to... What exactly he didn't know.

The sounds of whispering and sobbing seem to hesitate in the air, before Ran called out softly. "Otou-san…" Ran stared up at him with Conan sobbing on her breasts, thankfully too young and innocent to take advantage of her kindness. Was he the only man who loved her and didn't see the young girl as a potential conquest? He actually thought about giving him a free pass from his rage for life there and then.

Unsure of herself, she reluctantly continued on. "Can you… Get out of the room for a second? Me and Conan have to have a talk… And..."

"…You don't want me hearing it?" Kogoro was worried. He realized then that his daughter obviously had yet to tell him everything about the call and that worried the father immensely, almost akin to a boulder chained on his back. He'd probably have a broken back by now if he was Atlas.

Sighing, he accepted the request. He had a long way to go until he had earned Ran's trust completely and though it hurt, he completely understood that Ran trusted Conan more then her own parents. After all Conan Edogawa had never failed or disappointed the young woman.

Besides, he had to go now anyway, he was late for a case and that desk wasn't going to repair itself.

A chill ran down his spine when he recalled what happened next. After he announced what he was going to do, and was putting on his ratty, drab coat, Ran said something to Conan about teaching him to clean. Hearing how hopeful she was made him turn back to look. But when his eyes turned downwards and toward his tiny ward, he, well got a bad vibe.

Quicker than a nanosecond, fading instantly like a desert mirage of water brought on with the telltale signs of dehydration, was just the most horrified expression hitherto unseen on Conan Edogawa's face... Even now Kogoro wasn't sure he had really seen it. Ran certainly didn't appear to notice it or else she might have had another panic attack. It bugged him even now. The kid always had been ballsy to the maximum amount of insanity and no beatings or quaking plea's from Ran could ever seem to quench that particular candle flame.

But now, Kogoro wondered how rare it really was. Maybe he hid the truth from everyone. There was no way he could do half the shit at his age that Conan did without crapping himself. Possibly he might have written it off as just another reaction to his beloved sister figure's tears if…

Looking down, Conan's face took a more robotic expression. And Kogoro didn't mean just neutral or detached like he was want to do, there was no emotion whatsoever. Her warm smile now gone, and replaced with one of worry for her young charge, Ran nudged Conan's right arm gently as he remained as still as an old statue.

"...Conan-kun?" Ran whispered.

Walking towards him in a huff, Kogoro snapped his fingers inches away from his face, almost like they were slightly sodden matches that he was futilely trying to light. "Hey! Your acting weird. Snap of it!"

Numbly, Conan's blank stare was rolling between the teenager and the adult, looking more like one of those lifeless creepy dolls that were showcased on _Hinamatsuri_ then an actual human child. With skin as white as alabaster, Kogoro thought he saw a ghost.

Officially creeped out, Kogoro realized there and then that he had seen this before. It completely frightened him that a boy of this age had it draped like a caul over his face. He had seen this hundreds of time before and would probably see it beneath his eyelids, until his dying day. That look wasn't just one of absolute terror, but also a sign that they were completely broken after what they have just witnessed.

After all, working the detective beat made it obvious if you knew where to look and he had plenty experience observing it, most particularly with the relatives and friends of murder victims who had witnessed their killings.

"Brat…? You're okay right?" The rain pounding against was slowing down, the fists of waters becoming fingers, then nails, until, until...

The tension in the room finally came to a boil when water beating against the window finally ceased. Just when his curiosity and fear was piqued, Conan closed his eyes and smiled. "Of course I'm alright uncle! Ran-nee-chan, I'd love to learn how to clean! Anything to help you!"

Relieved, Ran let out a sigh and took Conan by the hand her smirk returning. That was enough to make the old drunk swallow his tongue for the nonce. That kid was the common denominator in keeping Ran happy and even seemed to be the only thing keeping Ran from hurting herself and he certainly wasn't going to ruin it for her.

Kogoro remembered the chill when he went out in the street, waking him up. Not only was his trench coat two sizes too large due to his newfound stress and sobriety but it was also covered in holes that Ran usually patched by now. Rubbing his palms and witnessing his breath take shape and color in the cold air, he hailed a cab after walking quite a distance."

Of course said cab also drenched him in frigid icy water when it ran into a puddle. Going in shivering, Kogoro clutched his arms underneath his armpits with his teeth clacking like wooden clogs. The cab driver himself was beefy with a mustache that put Kogoro's own magnificent set of facial hair to shame.

"Were t- Wait a minute! Aren't you a celebrity?

The detective weakly said yes and the cabbie agreed to give him a free ride in exchange for a autograph. Thankfully he wasn't near as talkative as the rest of his ilk but that was probably more do the having a seemingly infinite supply of sandwiches to chew on, making small talk physically impossible. Once, Kogoro would have enjoyed showing off his fame. Nowadays, he hated it more then ever. If anyone was to know that Ran had been sexually assaulted it would be immediate round the country news.

Freaks and the sociopaths who wrote the tabloids would harass her until the day she died and that was something he couldn't allow at any cost.

So Kogoro futilely relaxed his shoulders to stare out the passenger window, color and tone blocked by the rain drops painted on the glass like dew and finally faced a question he had brushed off like a fool.

Specifically the enigma of Conan Edogawa.

Conan had lied to the both of them and Kogoro was amazed that he hadn't picked up on the pattern or that nobody has noticed this before. Maybe they didn't want to notice it as the potential truth may have been inconceivable. What the hell had happened back there? That wasn't even close to a normal child's incessant but to be expected emotional range. He... Kogoro took back what he said before. Those lifeless eyes had the appearance of the dead.

There was something obviously off about that kid. Lurking at the back of his mind were questions that he was able to wash away with a liter of cheap bear. Maybe his own pride and ego was getting in the way of him realizing it by now.

Perhaps that was why he was always hard on the kid and his inebriated mind had displaced the actual reasons with the external delusion that he was simply annoyed to the point of being incapable of tolerance. But now his brain was no longer aswim with the formaldehyde slowing pickling his brain.

Acting like his "trances" were completely normal was just another link in the long laborious chain of lies that held him aloft. In reality, he had been completely freaked out and the fact that the little weirdo was always in the vicinity were like the bonito flakes trembling at the top of his funky okonomyaki.

He knew that Conan acted way too smart for his age as well. There was no way that that a kid just barely out of diapers could possibly be that wise. Ran wasn't and that bastard Kudo certainly wasn't though even back then he acted queer. And he was obviously faking being so childish but why? At first thinking that the kid's utterly was being abused or simply pretending to be mature but if those weren't it, what was the answer?

Unless…

HONK HONK! "Mouri-keibu we've arrived! Pretty strange house innit?"

Snapping out of his minor mental breakdown, Kogoro was thankful that he was brought back to earth after his head managed to book a minor stay on the moon. No that was impossible. Kogoro scowled inwardly as he slammed the Taxi door shut. Who knew that being almost liquor free had made his mind even crazier? Either that or the proverbial termites were slowly eating away from what was left of his rotten, blackened brain.

Kogoro hadn't been paying attention to his surroundings until know. If he had been he would have noticed he was in a sketchy neighborhood with those semi-modern yet somehow traditional houses that were clustered and packed closely together like a tumor. The streets were also small, making Kogoro amazed that the cabbie had fit his car in here.

Luckily these houses were the dwelling places of senior citizen's surviving on welfare and even feeling as weak and out of shape as he was, Kogoro was absolutely sure that he could defend himself from some geezer holding a walker and breathing through a tube. There was a chance he could escape with just a slightly brisk walk if they chased after him in rage.

A young woman who must have been his client's niece happily wave him inside. Even without her to guide his way, Kogoro was sure he'd be able to find it even if he was in space. Sticking upwards like a crooked toothpick haphazardly stuck in a cheese cube and painted with yellow, orange, pink, turquoise and jade stripes. It was amazing that the zoning regulations hadn't had it demolished yet.

Inside the house was an even stranger scene. All the counters and shelves were decked with Geisha models, traditional dolls and action figures from before he was a kid. It would have been impressive if there weren't also multiple pictures of the same cat but with progressively more embroidered frames.

Even the niece was thought this was strange. "Yeah my uncle's kind of strange..."

Strange? No, his own obsession with Idol several years younger then him was strange. This was downright insane.

Kaede was her name and she was instantly starstruck. "I can't wait to tell my friends that I met you! I'm not going to lie but I'm your biggest fan!" Resting her hand on her chin and staring wistfully at the ceiling with a blush on her face, she continued. "If only I could meet Shinichi Kudo! He's so cool!"

That was just too much for Kogoro to stay silent on. "Look! I'm here to help my client with whatever stupid thing he wants to pay me for. I have a sick daughter at home that I'm leaving alone and I want to get back to her as soon as possible, I'm not in the mood for any bullshit." Kaede's feelings were clearly hurt and tucked her lips into her lower mouth out of clear disappointment. She looked like she was about to cry.

He might not had been so harsh in any other circumstance, particular to a beautiful woman but he was just so tired of his fame at this point that it simply didn't matter. He couldn't act like he usually did because he simply didn't care anymore. If they wanted to have someone entertain them then they could hire a clown. Kogoro promised himself that he would make it up to her later but right now he had to focus on getting paid.

Sullenly guiding the detective into her uncle's room, the strangeness had finally reached it's apex as he was not shocked that the old mad wore a gas mask and spoke in a bastardized form of sign language that the guy probably learned from someone who wasn't blind, translating braile but even then, Kogoro was much too shocked by his collection of dusty stuffed Owls to really take that in.

According to what Kaede said, a distant relative of his wanted to kill her and his uncle for his fortune. Of 100000 yen.

The only thing keeping Kogoro from strangling the old man for wasting his time there and then, was Kaede revealing that the sum aforementioned was only the amount in his bank account. Behind a painting of dogs playing poker was an immense gargantuan wall safe that took up too much room. It had to be at least as wide as he was tall. And Kogoro estimated that the length from top to bottom had be a good eight feet.

Kaede said that that half the contents would be transferred to his bank account. Kogoro was skeptical that this strange silly old man actually had legal tender instead of monopoly bucks but Kaede, though with a look of pure loathing upon her face, gave him a stack as thick as a brick.

Counting and riffling through it to make sure that it was all higher priced notes, Kogoro could feel his tongue tighten. Never being good at math (He usually copied Eri's homework without her consent), he could still tell that the amount he would given would pay for Ran's medical bills, underpaid taxes, the mortgage on the agency and other unforeseen expenses for at least six months!

He wouldn't have to leave either of the kids alone with each other. Kogoro could watch the two of them to make certain that nothing more horrible would happen. As bad as he was, even in his most doubtful Kogoro knew that an incompetent idiotic adult was better then no adult watching over them at all.

So, swallowing his tongue, his pride and the entire gamut of his common sense, Kogoro agreed.

When the guests got there, all of them old and fat women, Kogoro was surprised because they were not what he was expecting. Not because they were weird but because of how boring they were. Like really boring.

Kaede and her uncle would try to make small talk and they would react like they were barely fucking awake, starting a statement that had nothing to do with the conversation. No wonder the old fart didn't want them getting their grubby mitts on his money. They'd probably wouldn't even do anything with it!

Another problem was that since none of the old ladies had anything unique about them, there was no way he could get a read on who would be the poisoner. So Kogoro had to stand until he his feet cramped, barely fitting in the tight kitchen. And between the odd decorations, the gaudy furniture and the barely animated corpses of the guests, Kogoro was starting to believe that he was on a bad trip or most likely, too sober.

However he still managed to find the killer, albeit in a really embarrassing way,

It had happened in a flash, and Kogoro was lucky to have seen it. One of the old ladies slipped something in Kaede's soup. Maybe it was his misplaced chivalry, maybe it was thought of another girl having something foreign forced into her, but Kogoro took leave of his basic common sense, yanked the bowl from away her and drank the entire thing...

...Only to learn that the poison had been accidentally switched with laxitives.

Still, while Kogoro was crapping his brains out, he saw that the bathroom was being used as a storage closet and while digging through their purses, he found strychnine in his second cousin's purse.

Megure arrived and was told to Kogoro's chagrin that he solved a case whilst one the toilet, causing a voice he assumed to be Shiratori was laughing incessantly. Great, this was way worse worse then passing out and Kogoro swore he'd kill him if he leaked this to the press, among other things…

Pretending to be in the bathroom until they were away from the door, Kogoro decided to sneak out. There was no way he could stand them either asking him about Ran or just bothering him in general. Hoping to avoid greeting him and his little ducklings, tried escaping through the window,

His efforts were in vain. Not only was the outside damp with mud that stained his shoes and the bottom of his pants, but the cream of division one was apparently forgoing common sense and interviewing the interviewing the witnesses outside in the front.

Poking his head around the corner, he could see that no one was facing him but the crowd still made escape impossible. On the left was that attractive young woman, the one called Miwako Sato. Kogoro couldn't help but admit that she was hot and had Eri had divorced him earlier he'd definitely be pursuing her _hard_.

But the women of the TPD were wholly immune to his charm and Sato didn't seem to like him that much, mainly do to being a dirty womanizer. There was no way he had a chance, though Sato was almost thirty and probably should be married soon… Kogoro shook his head, brushing that out of his mind. He had to focus damnit!

Meanwhile on the right Takagi and Shiratori was comforting the uncle and his family, with Takagi and his girlish features quickly proving more apt to the task then Shiratori's bluntness. Then again, he had nearly strangled them all himself so who was he to judge.

That was when Megure saw him. Waving he walked closer and all the eyes of the cops in the vicinity were on him. Megure stopped, his mouth agape, clearly seeing how beaten and weathered Kogoro looked. Frustrated beyond belief that his supposed friend was getting in the way, he pushed the incoming crowd of police officers away.

"Jeez Mouri. What crawled up your rear?" Shiratori japed with a sardonic grin but when Kogoro replied with a scathing look, he back off, the menace clearing striking to the marrow. Nearly everyone else followed.

Hoping that walking out of the neighborhood would be a clear enough sign that he wanted to be left alone while he found a cab Kogoro stopped at a corner store to buy some cigarettes, candy and medicine for Ran. Stopping a moment to smoke outside the dilapidated neighborhood, the dampened air hanging over him like he was a wet burlap sack, the dry yet acrid taste of the nicotine was a welcome relief. He certainly hoped he never broke this particular bad habit.

A quiet ashen fog had taken over the streets, mixing with the wisps of smoke in the atmosphere while concealing the other side of the street. Somehow the sky hadn't been hidden away

Kogoro had yet to realize that he had clearly underestimated Megure and his little ducklings nosiness.

"Mouri! Hey..." Megure was breathing heavily, quite apparent to be because of age. The younger detectives were here as well, having clearly received more exercise and stamina then the two older gumshoe's combined. Hopefully it didn't extend to the art of deduction and intuition.

Leaning over and grabbing his hips as he steadied himself to stabilize his rickety knee's, Megure's face heaved upwards over his slumped shoulders like a human question mark, a glimpse of disapproval reckoning on his face.

"Mouri-san..." Megure huffed, regaining his breath. "Kogoro... what the hell was that?"

Playing dumb, Kogoro replied with a disinterested "What?" but Megure was not amused.

"You know what! Why were you acting like that? You're usually the most arrogant, pompous, egotistical dumbass I've ever met but now you decide to play it humble? Who wouldn't be suspicious? Besides we need your statement."

Kogoro pressed his free hand against his face, annoyed. "You know what happened Megure. Some dumbass died and I solved the case. Simple as that."

That was clearly the wrong thing to say to this idealistic brigade. Takagi gasped, then joined everyone else in shaming him for his callousness. Sato and Takagi yelled at him for being so nonchalant while Shiratori called him a drunk. Two weeks ago it might have struck home but given everything that has occurred in that time frame, Kogoro felt more irritated then guilty.

In fact that might actually help him. He didn't want any of them to poke their noses in his daughter's business, so maybe if he played it up they may go away. And at first everyone bought it.

Everyone except Megure. He was just concerned and saw through Kogoro's plan in an instant so he held up a hand for silence. "Kogoro..." Megure said seriously. "I've only seen you like that when you had to shoot Eri. So I know something's wrong. I've seen you solve disgusting cases that made you question your sanity and conscience yet still come out of it drinking and laughing. I'm guessing it involves either Ran or Eri.

Kogoro could help but wince at Ran's name, giving Megure all the information he needed. "I see… If it's something serious then I suggest you start talking."

Kogoro rolled his eyes, as he dropped the cigarette before it burnt his fingers. "Hey you're the cop here. Why don't you find out your-" Kogoro stopped hoping he hadn't given too much away. He could feel the scarlet heat where he stood, so look at his shoes hoping beyond hope not to give anything more away.

The dusk was beginning to turn, so the streetlamps came on, casting the actual police officers in soft light while Kogoro's shadow twisted over the four of them, ready to envelop them whether they liked it or not.

Sato picked up the implication immediately. "So you have told the police Kogoro-san? If so that's means it's a different department… But your behavior suggests something else."

Mental gymnastics and guile was not something Kogoro was suited for. He was no magician or actor, able to hide his emotions away from others to see. What they saw of him was what he was. But Kogoro feared Ran's reaction if she knew that someone outside her inner circle knew about her attack.

Admittedly there was a chance that Ran might be grateful that she had someone who cared to help bring the bastards to justice, but Kogoro wasn't willing to take the chance of betraying Ran's trust in him again. "Why the hell do you care! It's none of your business anyway!"

Takagi finally piped up. "We haven't seen the three of you at any cases in weeks! We were starting to get worri-"

A flash of anger made Kogoro go over the edge. "What is happening to my family is none of your fucking business Takagi! I hope you remember that the next time you guys need help wiping your own ass." Shocked at the sudden venom, Takagi walked away a few paces, gormless and shocked.

Sato obviously had more balls and intelligence then any of the men in the room. "Is there something we should know about? If Conan-kun or Ran-chan are in any danger we will take you in for questioning. And even if not, that's no reason to be a dick."

Kogoro finally had enough of this conversation. "Your right. It is not something you should know about."

Just as he was about to leave, Megure grabbed his old by the shoulder, holding it taunt like a vice, concern etched into his meaty chiseled face. "Kogoro I've known you long to know when somethings eating you. They can see it as well. Tell me what's the matter? And it involves Ran or Eri, then you know for a fact I'll figure it out eventually." Megure's face hardened, making Kogoro swell up with woe. "And I wouldn't be hiding anything if I were you."

Kogoro felt like he was going to cry again either out of frustration or relief that he could talk to someone else. Megure always considered himself an uncle to Ran so of course he cared about her. Kogoro briefly thought about why he didn't say anything about Conan but all that did was make him wonder why he counted the brat at all.

Casting a shifty gaze to the three of the others, Kogoro leaned into his ear. "Not here, not to them.

Megure was incredulous. "They're coming with me. C'mon Kogoro they're the best I've seen in a entire generation!"

Kogoro's resolve was hardened. Megure investigating was one thing but there was wasn't a chance a hell people he barely knew and hadn't proven their salt to him would know about this. "No way!" He said, stubborn like a mule

A quizzical stare was all Megure could come up with, clearly nonplussed. "What? Why!"

"I don't know them-"

Megure rolled his eyes. "Oh you got to be kidding me! You'd think I have them get involved if I wasn't sure they weren't capable? Or on the level!" Now it was Megure's turn to whisper in his waxy ear. "Besides, if I don't tell them and it's that serious, they are going to investigate anyway."

He had to hand it to Megure- He had a perfect instinct for selling you something you didn't want to swallow. Maybe Megure should have been a salary man instead of a inspector. Either that or a politician.

Mulling it over and coming up with less then zero, Kogoro finally relented. May Ran forgive him and let the buddha's turn him into a slug in the next life. At least then he'd be a plaything and have some use.

Walking away again but this time motioning the other four to follow him close, Kogoro hoped that they wouldn't annoy him with questions. The last thing he wanted was having to show some drooling cadets the ropes.

The air was still soaked with fog and it gave him an ominous dread that crept through him like his chilly surroundings. Kogoro half expected some sort of Yokai or Yurei to jump out all of a sudden and chew his ass off. Somehow it reminded him of a time when Ran had slept over at the Kudo's. Shinichi, the clever bastard was just as conniving at six as he was at sixteen.

Apparently Shinichi and Ran had spent the whole weekend watching horror movies and playing scary video games. With Yukiko and Yusaku agreeing to it (Kogoro's head nearly popped a gasket yelling at the two). And to make matters worst, Kudo had teased about it ever since! It took him and Eri over a month to persuade Ran that there weren't monsters in the fog. But Ran is still scared of monsters, even the one's that hid their evil behind easy smiles.

A passerby might have thought that they were just blindly groping around the flog. Kogoro couldn't say much in regard to the others but he knew exactly where he needed to go.

Neither challenging or confused, Kogoro found it. It still might have been if you didn't know where to look, as a simple neon sign was a luxury this place obviously couldn't afford. Even in comparison to the other buildings this rundown two story shack looked like it was to collapse in on itself. Megure let out a exasperated sigh. "Kogoro you gotta be kidding me! Not this old place-"

No longer listening to Megure, he walked in unannounced, not waiting to hold the door for the others, a primitive bell of seashells and sun dollars jingling above him. Maybe this place was symbolic of Kogoro's inability to change.

Some things never got better. Time held still, steadfast in it's refusal to change. The wall to the left of him was covered in endless stacking of newspaper clipping, pin up models from pornographic magazines, notes from the staff (one guy) and pictures of those banned forever from using the facilities. Clustered and cramped against the rickety spiral staircase was the lobby and owner's living corners, protected by glass. Behind it was the dirtiest, cheapest, foulest old timer that Kogoro ever met.

Snaggle toothed as always, old man in the lobby hadn't changed a bit since he was twenty, though now he seemed to have even less of his black and yellow teeth. Filing his grimy nails, stopping intermediately to play Sudoku, he barely noticed the five of them coming in.

"It will be 8000 yen each." He mumbled distantly, barely paying them any mind. Kogoro knocked on the glass, getting his attention. Upon seeing them, he let out a ghastly smile. "I swear they get weirder and weirder by the year." He looked at Sato with a lewd glance, licking his chapped lips. "Y'know the lady get's a 1000 of if she-"

All the men in the room except Kogoro slammed their fists on the glass, not waiting for the owner to finish. Funny how chivalry could make men look like utter fools, and if this was to protect Sato's virgin ears, it didn't work because all did was cross her arms with an annoyed scowl on her face.

Hell, the only reason Kogoro didn't was because he had already kicked his ass before, and he didn't feel like going through the trouble of paying for the broken glass which what would have remained of that smeared and gum covered window the old bastard had went through the trouble of installing after that particular incident.

Kogoro glanced over his shoulder to Megure, facing him horizontally. "Your paying."

Juzou Megure did a double take, looking like he was about to throw Kogoro through the window. "Are you out of your mind! Our paycbecks don't go through for another month. Why don't you pay!"

Getting into Megure's face, Kogoro towered over him. "I don't get paid until the bank opens tomorrow! I'll pay you all back!" The audacity of the lie, just made everyone groan. Out of his peripheral vision, he could see Takagi pulling money out of his wallet and searching the ground for sen. Shiratori just put his hands on his face, while Sato put her hand on his shoulder, pointing at the bickering pair as a warning not to intervene.

"Ahem." Both of them faced the front, suddenly aware of the bad aura germinating through the atmosphere.

The old guy slid his cheap pink 100 yen glasses down, giving the group an incredulous look. "Are you telling me that you fucking assholes thought that you had the balls to walk in here without paying..." Saying it slowly, like he actually took pride in owning this pit, he reached beneath the desk and pulled out a baseball bat, his sleeves pulling backwards as he rested it against his other arm and briefly showing his tattoo's and a sadistic smile.

"Oh, I'm going to make stew of your brains after I fuck your-"

Sato, quite certainly having enough of this spectacle pressed her badge against the glass, causing him to deflate like a balloon. Dropping the bat with a loud clang, he was quick to jump out his computer chair and bow before them.

Relishing the smile on Sato's face as she effectively bent the guy over, she said that they were doing police business and told him not to interfere. The man just raised his brow but afraid of a potential raid, gave the detectives their room key. Before everyone could move onwards to the second floor, Kogoro hung back to see him dialing a phone.

That would be trouble later Kogoro knew instantly but his duties as a father outweighed his curiosity by a significant degree. He had unfinished business to attend to.

The first thing he heard was loud obnoxious moans. The first thing he saw where the three junior detectives blocking the way up like statues.

"This is a love hotel!" Takagi exclaimed blushing. Sato was more professional but her youth and lack of romantic experience had a similar glow but mixed with rage in a way that promised the older man future pain in the near future. Given what he was about to confess to and how he had disrespected Ran, Kogoro predicted a well derserved ass kicking soon.

Why did you bring us here?" Shiratori said as he pressed down upon his eyebrows in exasperated frustration.

Megure groaned when Kogoro blushed and averted his gaze from the group. "You want to tell him or should I?"

Not wanting to admit this to strangers but having no choice, Kogoro hesitantly admitted the truth. "When me and Eri started to date out of high school we got the idea that when we got our jobs, there was a chance our cases would intersect and be thrown out do to bias. So… We… Conducted our..."

Kogoro rubbed the back of his neck, suddenly nervous at how to politely describe it without being crass and gross, so he settled on a word he hoped that he knew the definition of.

"...Liaisons." The three younger detectives got even redder if that was even possible while Megure managed to get even more annoyed. That was not surprising considering that he often had to be their spotter during those times in case something went wrong.

"How romantic." Sato replied dryly, rolling her eyes. Kogoro couldn't take it.

"S-Shut up! You try finding a private price when your juggling college and the cost of living!" Shiratori and Megure laughed together, making a flushed Kogoro shut his mouth right after.

It was a long ways to their room but he couldn't say there wasn't some entertainment to be had that bored through the stress Kogoro had tied to his shoulders.

Takagi and Shiratori, obviously having a rivalry over who received Sato's affections, couldn't help but sneak glances at their crush, probably having secret fantasies that were currently being imagined inside this very hotel. According to Megure, on the few cases where he had time to catch up on the politics and gossip of the TPD but from what he said, Sato was dense when it came to her own attractiveness

But being so unsubtle about it could only be masked by denial for so long and Sato wasn't stupid. "Hey! Why are you two looking at me like that?" Sato's voice said dangerously.

Afraid of being castrated, the both of them shut their mouth's and finally agreed on something. Truces were always a good thing, as Kogoro himself wished for one to sprout between him and Eri but he wasn't about to hold his breath that long waiting for a lost cause such as that.

The hallway continued for a perceivable eternity and the whole way was almost discombobulating, giving Kogoro an uncomfortable feeling of dread. The ceiling and ragged carpet offered no escape as they were speckled with different tones of gaudy paint. So when they finally arrived at the room numbered 177, which sounded familiar, reminding him of his days as a cop, but Kogoro didn't care enough to remember what that particular part of police lingo actually meant. it actually was a relief when Kogoro ushered them in and locked the door.

"Well, Mouri are you going to tell us what is the matter?" Shiratori crossed his arms, an irritated expression glowing through his skin. Too engrossed in searching for any potential listeners, Kogoro ignored that sally and knocked on the walls. Thick as a drum like he remembered. Nonetheless, even with these precautions, Kogoro still pressed his ears against both sides to make absolutely

"Give me your pagers." Roughly shoving his hands into all of their pockets, with Sato being the obvious exception because he reckoned that he had hurt enough beautiful ladies feelings to disrespect Sato's personal boundaries. Tossing Megure's and Takagi's on the king sized bed, he reached for Shiratori's.

Nonplussed, Shiratori looked at him like he was crazy, successfully snatching the small beeping device rhombus from his limp fingers. "Are you kidding? You still don't trust us?"

Growling, Kogoro had thought he had made his feelings clear. Obviously not. "Yes! How can I, I barely kno-"

"ENOUGH! Mouri-san I get that don't know us as well as Megure-keibu but please respect our dedication to the job! Without your input many people might have gotten away with murder and we've respected and appreciated your help, even though you are no longer a police officer. Why can't you pull your head out of your ass and allow us to help you!"

Mild mannered Takagi had been to rant, causing everybody to stare at him in shock. Even Shiratori was amazed at his brazen display of balls. Suddenly feeling self conscious for his actions, he bowed, nervously saying 'gomen!' and went back to his previous demeanor.

What Megure said echoed in his mind, sudden as a squall. _Even if I don't tell them, if it's that serious, they're going to investigate anyway._

Finally defeated, Kogoro prayed to the Seven Lucky Gods that he wouldn't regret this. "I need you all to promise me that what I tell you doesn't leave this room. You can do what you like with the information and I wouldn't be asking for such a favor if it wasn't important but I swear. If any of you repeat what I am about to say..."

"We won't!" Megure said, casting a warning glance at the four. It turned out to be more for show than anything else as they didn't even budge. Standing up straight, with stern professionalism instead of fear scorched into their being, Kogoro let out a sigh of relief, a great weight lifted off his shoulders as he now knew that they were the real deal.

Kogoro hoped he could tell them this without crying so he just got to the point, hoping his words wouldn't fail him. "My daughter… Ran… She was raped two weeks ago." Leaving that in air was a glorious mercy as even now Kogoro felt that saying those still unreal words were akin to a snake coiling around his larynx as they sputtered out more a strangled Toad's croak then the truly booming voice of Kogoro Mouri.

Here's where the stark contrast between the theatrics of those blind to simple decency, uncouth Division Two detectives and real human remorse lied. The four of them hitched their breath simultaneously, pausing in shock. In fact, Megure's skin tone by itself almost appeared as phantom like as Conan's was.

Whatever sympathy they gave him melted away when he told them the details

Takagi just gaped at him in horror and awe at how cruelly stupid he was, getting on his knees. Bereft of words, Takagi looked like he about to about to cry.

Sato's face similarly unfreezed, turning from empathy to disgust. "How… Why… Why did you do that to Ran-chan!" Angry, she rushed towards him, a speedy fist ready. Kogoro would have dodged it if his reflexes were up to par.

Connecting hard to his jaw, a dazed Kogoro fell to the hard floor with a huge THUNK. Numby registering the acrid taste of blood, coughing when he breathed in a particularly thick dust bunny. Not allowing him relief, Shiratori picked him up by his shoulders and slammed his back against the wall.

Milimeters away from his face, Shiratori's teeth ground together in a dangerous "I _knew_ that you were secretly an incompetent fuck but your own daughter of all people had to get hurt for you to really understand the message? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I should arrest your drunk ass for tampering with evidence!"

Kogoro couldn't see Sato but he could shrink away from her fury regardless of sight. "Not only that but you let her attackers get away with it! How dare you call yourself a father, let alone a detective!"

There was a limit to the amount of verbal punishment he was willing to take. While what he did wasn't even close to right, he certainly wasn't good to take it either. "Are any of you parents!? I was trying to do what was best for my kid! I know now that that it was wrong now but would any of you do anything different?"

Finally, Megure intervened, pushing Shiratori away, telling him to cool off, and walking off, he flung a fist in the air.

"Thanks Juzou-" Kogoro moved close to embrace his old friend but Megure latched onto his tie and pushed the skinny man away. Kogoro stood up at once and tried to speak but an irate Megure held up a palm for total silence. Pacing back and forth for a minute as he closed his eyes wouldn't calm his rage, Kogoro knew at once.

Finally like an overflowing tea kettle Megure imploded all at once. Expecting a roar, Kogoro was more surprised to see the man rumble silently and as hard as a mountain being eroded for thousands for years. Megure's furry eyebrows arched in rage along with his upper lip that was bent upwards in a sneer.

"Don't expect sympathy from me Kogoro…" If he was about to say something more, Kogoro would never know what it was. The ruddy glow on his face melted away like ice in the sun, causing the anger in his brow and eyes to turn into softer disappointment.

Arguably that was even worse. Sighing, two perpendicular streams of tears spit into a y and slipped down into Megure's lips with his black mustache acting like a sponge, yet he continued onward, gagging on his own shock and hypocrisy of letting him go unpunished. "Just please… Tell me why you did something that stupid? How could you do that to Ran-san?"

Like an Iron hammer to head the question felled Kogoro and brought the man to his knee's. "I wish I could tell you my reasoning. Maybe, I wanted to hunt them myself… It was selfish I know. But tell me Juzou wouldn't you do the same for Midori?"

Megure's eye's widened, incensed at the accusation but then he appeared suddenly unsure of himself. That had clearly struck a nerve though he couldn't be sure that he felt any sympathy or empathy for his crime at all. He turned his head to the two other males… "Would either of you do the same for..." He left that to sentence to hang into the air, as not to reveal that certain someone, as like many things in this life it wasn't his business to reveal a secret that wasn't his.

The foreboding silence didn't last long, and an unsteady Takagi was the one to break it. "But why us? If you already called the police-"

The dam keeping Kogoro from crying finally broke into pieces, allowing the great flood to flow uncontrollably. The poor sots obviously didn't know how fucked up this was… Naive to a fault, they probably trusted the justice system like Ran used to trust him.

But he was so emotionally drained that there was no way he could express the truth in a coherent manner. "I don't trust them! I need to know that someone I actually know and trust, someone who actually cares about her will find the bastards responsible and put them away!" Pathetically, Kogoro couldn't make any further noises resembling human speech.

After chocking on his tears for what felt like hours, Megure knelt down to Kogoro and sighed. "I'm not going to lie to you. When they find out what you did, it's not a matter of if you're going to jail, it's a matter of when. You might have damaged the case beyond repair and the four of us could lose our jobs…" Strangely, Megure smiled. "But were going to catch the bastards. No way will we let those scum get away with doing that, especially to an innocent young woman."

Megure's serious gaze shifted over his shoulders to point his stare at his juniors. "If anybody want's out I suggest you say it now." The sound of silence greeted this proclamation, causing Megure to smile once again. "I guess this settles it."

"HAI!" The three of them yelled and Kogoro knew in that moment that he would be forever in their debt.

Now two days later there was nothing more then the cold quiet to reflect upon, along with the divorce papers Eri's assistant handed to him personally.

Right now, all Kogoro could really do was check on Ran before he went over to his soon to be ex wife, finally saying goodbye to this era in his life forever. If only he had realized how special and important it was to him, how truly lucky he was during those times he slipped into a joyous stupor, then maybe he could tell his the man he had been in the past to hurry and pick up the pieces…

But was nothing more then a dream and Kogoro was tired of being asleep. Whether he wanted to or not, he was awake. And that had shone out the window so brightly in the morning before was dimming, receding into the horizon, before-

And like that it was gone forever, never to return.

Picking up the paperwork, he put it in a old suitcase where he also kept a few of Ran's old drawings, the ones she thought was lost but in reality were hoarding away for a father to zealously guard and be amazed by. If the brand was unmanly, it was because it had been marketed to teenagers and the only reason he had bought it was because Yoko Okino had endorsed.

Heh, Eri had been so pissed off.

Kogoro hadn't put on his shoes yet so he was able to avoid awakening either of them with any creaking, he look in the ajar door and saw such a amazing sight.

When Ran started to cry out in her sleep, she clutched Conan closer to her chest. Conan himself had been whimpering, but it ceased when his big head was allowed into the confines of the cleft between her chest. Wrapping her own arms around his back, she herself stood still for the first time in a long while.

And for the first in what was almost equal to a perpetual eternity, a truly bright smile shined through the room, the seemingly snuffed out heavenly light once against being cast by Ran Mouri. All do to Conan Edogawa.

Despite himself. Kogoro smiled too. How could he have hated this kid? Whatever secrets Conan had, the boy could keep them to himself forever for all Kogoro cared. After all the one truth that was universal about Conan was that he made his daughter happy. And for that one good reason, that was just one of the many things this bereaved father would always be grateful for.

Realizing that they were going to be cold if he left them like this he swiftly got a thick blanket, tooking the both of them in before kneeling down to kiss her on the forehead. Kogoro was careful not to wake so it was more a peck then the affection he honestly wanted to show. The bitter memory of her sobbing and crying out in her sleep, fighting someone that only her nightmares had previously dreamed of, had resulted in days of tears from his end.

Before he left, he took one last look at the two from behind his shoulder and smiled widely, no longer allowing himself to think of Conan as just a moocher. "Goodnight kiddo. You too Conan." Closing the door gently Kogoro Mouri left the blessed dark envelop the pair and while he was walking away, he finally understood that sometimes being in the light was overrated.

* * *

Tapping her toes against the floor in a vain attempt to calm herself, Eri struggled to cut away the emotions from her heart with scissors. She was usually the calm one, she _needed_ to be the calm one but it was becoming more and more difficult to properly distance her wet breathing emotions from her dry detached professional courtesy.

She should have moved in with me, I should have taken her away, I should have filed a motion for sole custody no matter how futile it was. I know that something like this would happen, why wouldn't I listen to myself? Eri would never admit it but despite her soon to be ex-husbands philandering and vices, she had always held hope that he would change his ways and they could return to being a family again.

But that was nothing more than a wish, an illogical fallacy that reminded her why she had to trust logic no matter what. It might kill and stiffen her humanity, but her brain always took on an automaton's conscience when she was processing her surroundings and how to best persevere when those same familiar locales started to crumble around her.

That was her defense mechanism, ever since she was a little girl. When things could get dark, whether it was watching her marriage turn to dross or her life was being threatened, Eri always thought more like a reptile than a human.

Even now Eri was struggling with what to do next. All of the goals that had distracted her were complete now. She no longer had any more distractions to prevent her from facing herself.

However, it made her come to a startling realization. Strangely enough Kogoro had made her realize it. No matter how much she tried to distance herself from her emotions, she couldn't escape one simple fact: She was human. She felt fear at what would happen to Ran next, she felt regret that she was trying her best but failing, she felt intense anger at her husband for his incompetence, she felt jealousy at the young hussies who drew away Kogoro's attention and she felt…

Love.

She felt love okay! She loved Midori, she loved Yukiko, she even felt love for Kogoro despite her disgust at what the fool had done. But most importantly she felt a mother's love. That was something that could never be dampened.

Ran would be mad, might blame her, might even think she failed her when she was needed her the most but what else could she do? Out of the two parents, one of them had to be the adult! Panic coursed through her capillaries like a flash flood, drowning her life's blood in fear and doubt.

But now doubt creeped into her mind, the stress eating away at confidence like a termite. If what she was doing was what she knew to be right, something she had done since she moved out, then why did she suddenly feel like everything was wrong?

" _But you are never there Eri…"_ Kogoro's baleful roar echoed. He might have been crude like always but this and at the school might have been one of the only times that Kogoro had actually won a fight. The fact that she had to admit that he was right made her have to revulate all of her decisions up to this point.

She believed that she held good reasons for immersing herself in tedious paperwork but now there was no more to do without it being pointless busy work. She should have been happy, proud even that she could now finally see her daughter again.

But instead it just made her realize a dark truth about herself. A part of her didn't want to see her again. It made her sick to think so but if this was truly the best they could do then maybe they shouldn't even had been parents to begin with. Maybe Ran was better off living in America with the Kudo's then having to stay to deal with their failures.

Pacing around the room, she eventually tired of that and sat down at her desk, pondering every decision she had ever made.

All this time, she thought that she was making sure that Ran was safe. She tricked, no deluded herself that she had to be prepared for the worst while Kogoro was probably out drinking and lecherously lusting after any young skirt that crossed his eye. There was no proof for any that other then her own gut feeling. And if she was wrong, what was she preparing for exactly, who was she doing this for and why was she doing it?

Try as she might, Eri couldn't help but fall into bad habits. Blaming Kogoro was one of them the other letting down the person who needed her the most…

Freezing like a gargoyle perched across her desk, all Eri could do was take in the still silence as the revelation appeared swallowed her whole.

Eri suddenly felt something small and furry rub her ankle, followed by a high-pitched meow. It served to snap her out of the introspective realization. Picking up Goro and putting him on her lap, thinking that his name would be needed to be changed to avoid any stark reminders of her ex, she scratched behind his ears affectionally before her eyes drifted to a picture on her desk.

In the frame was a memory of her younger self and a toddler Ran posing for a photograph at the beach, she wearing a pink one piece bathing suit while she wore a slightly more wanton two piece bikini.

She brushed her fingers against the glass, dumbly hoping that she could wake up from the nightmare or spin time back to happier days.

Just then, her door opened with a gush of cold spring wind and with it her soon to be ex husband. He had clearly seen better days as his haggard appearance could testify. Eri expected hatred and rage to rise through her, all the stress and pain that she had been experiencing being deservedly rebounded onto the man she thought she couldn't trust.

But it never came.

The typhoon that Eri had predicted to herself didn't even turn into a trickle. Kogoro himself had appeared to notice that and was just gaping into her eyes, as if he was a dog about to be hit. The lawyer herself suddenly wondered how he was doing. Kogoro looked like beaten crap.

Then she realized that she hadn't spoken to Ran in a week. The spring rains had come and went a few days ago. Perhaps Ran had missed her severely but hated her too much to call. Blinking away tiny quarries of tears, Eri finally realized in that moment how selfish she had been.

Blaming Kogoro didn't work because she had left her. Not her husband but Ran. The thought struck her a baton to the head. All this time, in her efforts to get away from Kogoro's stink and try to get him to change, she had ignored what was right in front her, blinded by vanity to see it. What a fool she was thinking that burying herself in a mountain of work until an avalanche crushed her bones would be productive, thinking it was making her strong. And it did… But at what cost?

If her husband was truly the incompetent buffoon she had always thought he was, then what did that make her?

The only people she must have seen on a daily basis were the two boys in the house. They tried but her daughter probably had questions that only she could answer, things about her body and feelings that no man could possibly answer. Ran didn't even have any sexual experience or much experience being a woman in general.

She…

…Needed her mother.

Swallowing her heart again, afraid of the emotions flooding her brain, Eri stared at her husband, waiting for him to say something.

"So… This is it huh?" Eri didn't know whether the tone in his voice was defeat or relief. Either way it struck a sad melancholic note in Eri's heart.

"Yes, Kogoro… This is indeed it."

Glum like she had never seen the usually jolly man before, he creaked towards the desk like a tree that had been felled as he finally talked, speaking almost like the seriousness one had when discussing cancer. "Eri… I don't wanna fight. I think were both tired of it and it certainly isn't helping Ran. But please do one thing for me."

"Visit Ran? I Know… It's been too long." Kogoro's eyes inclined upwards in surprise as the wind blew the candles out. Having both forgotten about it, Kogoro rushed to close the door leaving them in darkness for a second before turning on the lights.

This has been a long time coming. I know that I've been too much of a fool to understand that... But I must let you know something. I truly tried my best to make it work… Well I guess it's too late now. Only old geezers look back on their mistakes."

Downcast, Eri eyed her lap despondently. "Yeah… Your right."

Kogoro chuckled nervously. "Hey at least were finally doing what's best for Ran. I consider this a new start! Maybe now… Eri?" That was when the oaf noticed the glistening of tears upon her cheeks.

"Eri!" Scampering over, Kogoro pulled out a napkin out of his pocket, dabbing her cheeks gently and gingerly. Eri could only gawk at her ex in deep amaze as she took in the volume of everything he had did. It was like he was a completely different person.

"I-I'm a horrible mother!" Eri bawled as she yanked the tissue from her exe's hand to loudly blow into it. "She should be having fun at this age, she should be dating, I should be giving her..." Eri stuttered out of control, lost for words as struggles to remember what she was going to say before settling on the next thought in her head. "She shouldn't be worrying about this!"

"I know..."

She punched her husbands chest venting out her frustrations on his nonreacting body. "Why? Why did this happen to her! Why did those animals in human skin do that to her! Did they even know my Ran before they did something so selfish? I-I-I want to kill them! That's wrong I know but t-t-t-they deserve to diiiiiieeeee!"

Holding her closer and tighter all Kogoro did was listen neutrally with the occasional nod of the head. The truth was that was more then he had done in all the years of their separation and Eri was happy for it.

"It's…. Only going to get so much harder for her! I tried a few of these cases pro bono and they rarely win! Half the time the evil bastards don't even get prosecuted! How is she going to deal with that? She's so kind and… How would she ever trust the justice system again! How could she trust _anyone_ again!"

The pipe had finally burst, the valve that had been held so tight was finally loosed with the blocked emotions flowing through, allowing the distant lawyer to finally feel sweet catharsis. It felt… It felt good actually.

When they were as old as Ran, Kogoro had always been one of gigantic romantic gestures, it was one of the things she had found so charming about him. Usually he would reserve it for one of the hussies he was attempting to seduce. As Kogoro was breathing in her face. For the first time she didn't smell a wiff of booze being wafted into her face.

An jdea burst into her head. Usually she didn't pay any mind to idea's like this but in these special times…

"Kogoro. I think I should move back in. Even though were divorced, I… Think it's best for Ran. Besides I think you could use the dual income. You shouldn't be shouldering that weight by yourself. And Ran needs her mother."

At first stuck dumb by what she was suggesting, Kogoro smiled sadly, hiccuping like he was struggling not to cry and failing… Then, without any warning, tackled her to the ground, burrowing into her chest as he sobbed. Strewn about the floor and partially stuck in her chair, Eri was utterly confused. "What! Kogoro what the hell are you doing?"

Crumpled over, Kogoro's tearstained face looked up into Eri's, inches away from her chin causing her to blush. "I'm just so happy! I hate to admit it but it's been so hard! I'm not good with… Woman stuff. I don't even know how to deal with the brat. I think he hates me… Eri don't even tell him this but I-I… I've kind of gotten used to him."

That was something that in any other circumstance, Kogoro would never admit in a million years. Was he always this emotional? Usually he was only this open this open when he was drunk.

It was weird.

Still Eri thought it was fair to return the favor. Ex or not, he was still the mother of her child, and she was happy to return the favor after the comfort she gave him. Sitting up, she wrapped her arms around Kogoro as he bawled, leaning her weight against the wall though it was hell on her back and shoulders. The universe ended by the time he had reclaimed control of himself.

"Thank you… I think this is enough." Finally, wiping his snot covered face with the back of his left hand, Kogoro stood up, adjusted his tie and dignity, turned to leave-

MEEEOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!

Goro was now on the floor, having slipped on the stack on papers. They slowly floated and sunk to the ground, coating a pissed Goro in white. Shaking them off, he walked away not at all in a good mood, only turning his little head to hiss at her ex. Panicking, Kogoro rushed to pick them up, as Eri realized that the stack was somehow bigger than what she given him in the lobby.

Questioning this, Eri used the desk to balance her body as she stood up, more confused then anything. Her glasses were hanging askew from her left ear, hidden in the clef between the lawyer's temple and earlobe. Without them she them she was blind as a bat so she couldn't see what Kogoro was picking up.

Wincing at the fact that had to yank out a few years to get her lenses unstuck, she fiddled with them until they were perfectly on the bridge on her nose. Now seeing through the blur, she could tell that was on the floor were Ran's old homework and drawings.

Smiling wanly, she squatted down to help Kogoro pick them up. Starting with the ones closest to her person, she picked each of them up, taking time to nostalgically remember her daughter's cute gleeful happiness that only a child could have. "Where did you find these old things? In the attic? Now why did you bring these things here?"

"I was looking through them earlier but Eri..."

Confused by the worried luck on Kogoro's face, she picked each of the crayon covered pictures up, taking time to look through all of them. Some depicted her favorite anime characters, others her adventures with Shinichi and Sonoko. A few even showed a few favorable memories with-

As Eri cast her eyes through the sea of white she finally see's something odd with the photos.

She pauses, her breath hitching as she inhaled. "Kogoro… "Did you look at all these pictures before you brought them over?

Slackening at her sudden realization, Kogoro could only reply as he himself became equally crestfallen. "A little."

As they examined the drawings properly, Eri realized that these weren't just the drawings the of a child. They were snapshots into Ran's memories of her childhood, the good and the bad.

How could such crude sketching tell such a tragic tale? There were pictures of Ran's chosen avatar crying, scenes of the both of them engaged in verbal warfare that bordered on crimes against morality, even a picture of Ran trying to wake up her father with bear cans

Eri's eyes darted to one of the few pieces of paper that wasn't a drawing. She grasped it, hoping that she would be able to return to her nostalgia filled reverie and not have to face the music. Eri wondered why she was only just realizing it now. Bringing the paper against the light to properly read the words inscribed upon It was homework from around the time children learned more advanced sentence structure.

 _My mother is my hero. She is strong, beautiful and smart. She with my dad helps put bad guys away and protects the good. My mom never gives up on her clients and always wins the case. She is always there for me but I wish she wasn't so busy. But that's okay because I know that she is helping others. She is what I want to be when I grow up!_

Rain was falling inside the house and onto Ran's drawings.

"Eri?" Kogoro leaned closer, ready to comfort her again.

Eri's face inched closer. And…

And…

Eri and Kogoro kissed each other on the lips, electricity and life bridging through their tongue as they arced their backs…

And Lightning struck

Later Eri awoke on the mattress with Kogoro breathing heavily on her bare chest. He looked like he was getting smothered. Gently moving him so that her now ex-husband wouldn't awaken that easily, she got up and walked towards the floor.

They never picked up the papers. Eri wondered if that was a sign that what they just did wasn't precisely healthy but for that night they needed each other more then they needed themselves.

Sighing she squatted down to pick up the drawings, stacking them together before pushing them flat with her left hand and brushing out the edges so they were all even. She had forgotten her glasses but in even in the pre-dawn gloom she could still make out the crayon encrusted upon them.

Walking to her desk, she put them in the drawer. Living through Kogoro's slobbery had taught her to be neat and organized. She doubted that he would mind the mother of his child holding onto to them for a couple days. Besides she was moving back in anyway, so he was going to get them back eventually.

She would have to wake Kogoro up soon. Midori was coming and she would be more then happy to move her stuff back into the Agency, but she definitely didn't want her best friend coming here to see her ex completely naked. That was something that Eri could barely abide, she wouldn't let her best friend deal with that trauma.

Then again he still appeared fit in all the right places…

Blushing, Eri ripped the thought away like a bandaid. She was a grown woman for god's sake, and she had a hurt daughter she had been neglecting for too long and no longer would she leave her to face her fears on her own. Her pride and ego wasn't worth her daughter's life.

She had a decision to make and she had to make it immediately. Going to her dresser to put on some panties and get her glasses, she returned to look at the divorce papers. Turning on the lamp didn't help her in the slightest. Kogoro's handwriting was barely legible like always but he seemed to sign everything that completed the divorce.

For a mad glorious instant, she thought about ripping the divorce papers to shreds. Hell, she had started to rip out the damn thing the moment she the thought crossed her mind. Would this mean that they were back together again, back to way things were?

Eri stopped.

No. There was no going back. She may have forgiven Kogoro, she may have considered Kogoro a dear friend, she may have even still loved Kogoro… But what she couldn't do was trust him with their daughter. What happened tonight was a one time thing born out of desperation and grief. It wouldn't last.

So she dropped the papers, tore off a piece of tape that fitted the tear to the very inch and put them back on the desk, now fixed and ready to be sent.

Sighing she did however glance back to the floor. A drawing hadn't been picked up. Cursing herself for her unusual clumsiness, Eri got up and walked towards it. How could she have forgotten one of them? But as she bent over ready to pick it up, her hand paused when she was able to take in what exactly was depicted upon the paper.

It was a drawing of Shinichi Kudo. It might have resembled a blob more than a human being but the hairstyle and Yukiko's characteristic grin gave him away.

Grabbing it roughly as she stared at the image with an icy cold glare in her eye, she remembered what Kogoro had told her. She had loved, even adored this boy just as she had loved his mother, watching him and Ran grow close enough for her to bank on him being the father of her grandchildren, but instead of being there in Ran's time of need, he had abandoned her when she needed him the most and spurned her love in her baby girl's darkest moment.

Scowling, a rage filled scream emitting out of her throat, she crushed the paper in her fist. She would find him, even at the risk of ruining her friendship with Yukiko and ask him one question and one question only.

 _How could you have hurt my daughter worse then those monsters did?_

 **I'm back! Damn this was pain to edit and sadly not as good as the rest of my chapters. Be gentle but blunt.  
**

 **If you wish to see my content when it actually comes out go visit my AO3 account at RevolverOtaconAj2!**

 **Any questions (there are probably many) PM or review me cause I'm too tired to put it in the review!**


	6. Joy, Hope, And Breakfast

Bruises don't always have to be bad.

Karate had taught her this well. It was a learning experience like no other. Those who came in not expecting to be hit were fools and didn't last anyway. A bruise from a punch, from an accident, from a mistake, all served the same purpose. Perfection was not something that should be sought after, it was not something that should ever be believed in.

Because if you never received a mark, how would you learn from it? You would just stay the same and stagnate until Amaterasu chose to reveal herself to cast the darkness out.

Looking at herself in the mirror though, you would think that there had never been any imperfection on her skin. The bruises were long healed, the scratches started to ebb away like water flowing off of a leaf and she just got word that the stitches from her breast would be able to be removed in a few days.

There would be a scar. There would always be scars, inside and out. Ran knew this better than most and wasn't ready to reveal them to the world yet. As long as her pee still burned, Ran remembered and she wouldn't forget about what had happened down there anytime soon as that scar would remain with her all her life.

Humble as she was, Ran had no choice but to feel a little proud of herself. Most people would have completely broken after what she went through with her being raped, her parents divorcing, and the love of her life abandoning her, it was a surprise she didn't think about never waking up again.

Deciding to let herself cry for just a moment, she bitterly reflected upon that last particular blow. People did change, some for the better, some for the worst, to the point where you couldn't even recognize who they were anymore, with their reflection upon the glass being so false yet so enchanting that it…

Wincing, she let out a low sigh. There was no point in dwelling on the past any longer. That had caused so much trouble for her and everyone else that Ran had made a difficult but freeing choice.

Let him go. Be angry, even hate him. But don't forget who he used to be. Don't let those happy memories be tainted because of what he did. Sonoko had wished to destroy every picture of them together but Ran had urged against it, instead making to decision to hide them away in her room, so he wouldn't be forgotten but the best of him would be tucked away where his fleeting phone calls couldn't hurt you anymore.

Because she knew if she picked up that phone, that she would cry and beg for his forgiveness anyway.

But she brushed that thought away with her hair, everyone of her locks looking untidy and messy. Yelping when a couple hairs holding her birds nest together were yanked away, it took an amazing amount of trial and error to get it right. Even her trademark horn was twisted like a narwhal's tusk.

Yet when she finally finished, Ran could almost say she felt normal again. Almost.

Ran had woken up this morning with butterflies in her stomach, partly from nervous worrying, but mostly from excitement. It was time to return to school.

Both of her parents had been adamant about their disapproval against the idea, despite their attempts to hide it. She wasn't exactly subtle about listening to their conversations in secret as the both of them were much more diligent to notice their daughter immediately. Maybe if she had kept up on her Karate she would have been able to sneak up behind them but Ran had quickly gotten to know the crux of their worries from an unfortunate source.

Conan Edogawa.

Ever since he came home during that horrible rainy day, Conan-Kun had been depressed despite her best efforts to cheer him up. Ran knew his excitement at having Ran teach him the art of cleaning was a lie. It was clear he was just trying to make her feel better. Ran couldn't stand him upset but that didn't mean she could just leave his hiding his pain either.

Conan said that Shinichi had called him and that he overheard their conversation and that he'd been asked to check up on her as a favor for Shinichi. It took a few seconds for her to fully understand because a soaked Conan couldn't say a single syllable without stuttering or hesitation. Upon hearing this, Ran held Conan to her chest, her tears secretly flowing while he sobbed loudly as he blew his nose into her t-shirt.

Patting his back and stroking his hair, Ran couldn't help but feel more empathy and pity for her little brother then ever. He had been used by his cousin just she had been. As much as she lamented the lost of Shinichi, she was starting to hate him more and more as her affection for him was slowly dissipating like last week's mist.

How could he use a child like that! Shinichi knew that Conan saw him as his hero and that he was always eager to please and he took advantage of that through his… Manipulation.

Ran didn't want to use that word, she scarcely believed that Shinichi Kudo and that concept would ever even overlap. It was beyond belief that he would ever be that cruel. Realizing this, it made her want to punch him in his face the next time she saw a once charming sure smile that pierced through her skull so brightly, like a lighthouse through a storm, now had all the comforts of a rotten Jack-o-Lantern.

He had come home freezing cold, freezing cold, his skin frigid to the touch with his cute little suit soaked completely through. How? How could he make Conan do that!

Ran quickly punched the air, stopping just a paltry few centimeters from the wall. While not as quick as it usually would have been due to her lack of exercise and practice, she still would have caused major property damage that would have caused her parents unnecessary pain and worry.

Lingering jolts of muscle memory and negativity made her clenched fists tremble as her arm locked up in clear preparation of an attack that wasn't going to come. Slowly, she gently examined her quivering fingers, caressed with bandages that enveloped the bruised and scraped digits. Mom and dad wouldn't leave her alone for a while after that, obviously afraid that she'll harm herself.

But for once she actually didn't mind as her parents had moved back in together. That was a surprise. Briefly, stupidly, she had gained a childish hope that they meant to get back together.

When they told her to sit down for a talk with stricken gazes and fixed smiles, they didn't have to say any words for Ran to know that it wasn't to be.

Sobbing from disappointment, Ran couldn't help but feel some minor relief. She had spent countless years praying and scheming to get them back together like a stupid little girl. In retrospect, she hadn't even thought whether or not her parents were happier together or broken up. Everyone always told Ran to think of her happiness for once but when she did wish for such selfish things like that, how could she not?

Eri had moved beside her and gently stroked her hair like she was a child again. The memory rankled inside suddenly. "It's okay Ran… This… This is a new beginning for me, and your father." Eri smiled her eyelids wet with tears. "And you."

For one moment she felt a spasm of anger rushed through her body. Not just directed at her parents but also all her frustrations at what has happened to her these last three weeks. Why couldn't it go back to the way it was before! Why couldn't she just pretend that they were going to get back together, that Shinichi was with h…

Just like that her answer came and the sound of waves came in with the tide, bringing with it a zen like calm. She couldn't just be wistfully gazing at the past while ignoring what was happening in front of her. That's what her dad, her mother, and so many other people did and look where that got them? She wished she could unhear what she heard her parents say, she wished that Ran could unsee many of the dark images lurking inside her mind, she wished she could wipe her mind clean and forget everything that has happened…

But that wouldn't ever make it go away.

In a moment of silence Ran closed her eyes and finally fully accepted everything that has happened to her, promising to herself that she would never let them be blinded ever again.

Snapping out of her day dream, with her brown locks as tidy as they could ever be and her skin looking significantly better, she moved on to brushing her teeth. She kept her pajama top unbuttoned so she wouldn't mistakenly get toothpaste on her school clothes, exposing her white bra and panties.

Even by herself she couldn't help but have the uncomfortable feeling there was a thousand naked eyes hovering over them, making her shudder. Sliding her palms against her crossed arms in an effort to calm the chills, Ran could feel the goosebumps poking through the soft white skin.

The young teenager took this moment to look at herself in the bathroom. The bruises had thankfully all healed up with the exception of the deep scar hidden behind her right cup and the once black paddle shaped marks inside her inner thighs, now a splotchy yellow color. That didn't matter as she had no intention of revealing them to anyone, not even her fellow women.

The thought alone made her squirm but not as much as the thought of all the men in the world staring at her ever again. She knew that not all of them were jerks, with her getting the impression that her psyche was being much too unfair to everyone surrounding her but still, it made her think of being trapped inside a glass case…

 _…_ _ _Many thin yet somehow at times soft hands running over her and roughly grabbing her-__  
 _ _-The acrid taste of their tongues-__  
 _ _The feeling of being gored as they forced themselves inside-__

Ran nearly choked on the toothpaste as the memories fogged up unbidden again. Despite gagging heartily, she managed to wash the taste of the toothpaste and them away, but her stomach was still roiling. Infrequent as they thankfully were, currently those fragments came at complete random and that was going to be a problem. Though she tried not to dwell on it too much as she was reluctant to ponder back that day, much preferring the hazy images in her head.

Maybe Sonoko could fight them off for once… The utter silliness of that reversal of roles actually made her feel better and unfortunate for what was going to occur later, allowed her to forget.

What she was more focused on at the moment were the stains from her spittle that were now caked on the mirror. Shocked that she made a mess she quickly attempted to clean up with a rag but that only made it worse.

Oh she so didn't have time for this!

Hanging limply from the toilet were the carefully folded school uniform. She had spent the last few days carefully ironing out all the wrinkles and clefts that cascaded into her normally pristine outfit. She had even taken the time to personalize her outfit a bit by sewing an orchid and a sable, personalized rectangular badge on her breast, bordered with spiraling gold thread as two red tassels hung from the bottom. Written in the middle was her name in hiragana.

Conan had pricked his fingers helping her but he was a quick learner. Ran had hurried off to get a Yaibahman band aid, feeling sorry for him while still cherishing the adorable look on his face.

Quickly taking off her Pajama top, she hurriedly put the uniform on. It felt tight and uncomfortable but she reckoned it was due to how long it has been since she last wore it. Getting it buttoned and somehow immaculate she was about to leave until she still saw in the mostly obscured murk of the mirror that she still had toothpaste smeared on her face, making her ask herself what her parents would think…

That brought her back to what she was thinking earlier. When Conan told her, Ran was frustrated. Maybe it was the lingering resentment she still held from constantly making excuses for the both of them and the disappointment she felt when they refused to reconcile their many differences over something so childish, that Conan appeared to be more like an adult.

Ran felt like that for a couple hours, the anger stewing and basting from the inside out as lied in her room fuming until both her mother and father called her over.

Eri and Kogoro sat across from her, with Eri sitting up straight with her hands folded across her lap, while Kogoro's legs were stretched on top of each other perpendicular across the floor, with his back arched like a human dash mark.

Oddly enough despite the both of their differing postures, her parents seemed equally attentive, staring at her uneasily. It made her feel uncomfortable with the obvious contrast of the two. Her mother had a tiny forced smile plastered on her face while her father did her best to avoid her eyes.

Ran gulped as she took it in. Both her parents looked like they were running themselves ragged. She took special care to not to wince at her mother. Though her hair had been combed and makeup had been properly applied, she looked tired, with circles and crow's feet

"Ran… There's something we have to discuss." Eri put a fist to her mouth and coughed. Out of the corner of her eyes she saw Kogoro slouching and with a flicker of irritation, she lightly punched her father in his shoulder, causing him to naturally straighten up from the pain as he rubbed his sore collar bone.

"You don't want me to go back do you…?" Ran said it numbly, distancing herself from her surroundings.

Yeah," Kogoro mumbled silently, rubbing the back of his neck. "I don't want you to go back."

"We have misgivings… We are understandably nervous. Both of us want you to go back when you are ready-"

"But I am ready!" Ran cried out.

Kogoro was uncomfortable, raising a hand. "Let us finish." Ran didn't hear us and instead heard your mother.

They stopped to give each other a serious look before continuing. "But it doesn't matter what we think does it?"

Ran was instantly sent back to Earth. Huh? She was instantly struck dumb.

Eri continued onwards. "We will not stop you from going because it is not our choice to give. It's up to you." Though slightly clouded from the classes, her eyes turned sad.

Kogoro piked up. "I just want you to know Ran..." Wet tears shone through his eyes as he smirked widely. "I am so proud of you. I-I… I don't think I would be as strong as you even if I lived through the upcoming millennium.

Ran overcame her shock and replaced it with a smile. "Thank you, thank you!" She walked up to them and held them in a bone crushing bearhug before running off to giddily call Sonoko. She didn't feel so cold anymore and felt like she had control again!

The memory of the incident made her smile warmly. They were trying their best and getting better because of it. The realization of that fact made adjusting her tie and buttoning her blazer much easier.

Finally finished, Ran stepped out of the bathroom to get her cellphone. Sonoko had given it to her free because she couldn't afford it otherwise and liked to jape that she was like her late grandmother given how hard it was for the young women to figure out how to use it. It was one of the new ones, small, compact, and with an antenna to receive signals easier. This was the second one as Shinichi had accidentally broken the first one during a case.

He… Ran remembered that had given her an octopus charm as an apology. That same charm that Shinichi had given her was nowhere to be seen as Ran had reluctantly threw it away due to the bitter memories…

Once again shaking them off, Ran tried her best to tiptoe into their room so as to not wake up the only occupant of the house who needed his sleep the most. Eri had joined them on the floor, complaining for a few days that her back was going to get hurt again. She had slept far away from her father which she guessed was to just to be expected, wearing a tight tank top without a bra and black panties, preferring the company of Conan and Ran next to her.

That was how she slept in her office but it was her father who made her really blush.

In short, her dad had made a dirty joke upon seeing how she dressed to sleep, causing her to yell 'Otousan, gross!" in disgust while she covered Conan's innocent ears. Eri had responded with an icy stone faced stare that would have made most men cry for their mother and finished by saying in her well known dry and serious tone that she was going to dress how she wanted. And that was the end of that.

Weirdly, when Conan would sleep facing her mother, he would wake up red-faced and with a bloody nose.

Ran was understandably perplexed by how he kept injuring himself this way but ultimately decided it was because he ended up on his belly when he tossed and turned. Oh well, that just gave her an excuse to continue holding him tight!

A tiny groan pierced through the air, signaling that Conan was awake from his slumber. Lying on his side with a pool of coagulated drool covering the left side of his face, his eyes slowly blinked as they adjusted to the wan sunshine, slightly groggy when he sat up so his movements appeared delayed and wounded. Rubbing the sleepiness out of his eyes, he froze when he saw her.

Just then, all the remaining dawn was blown asunder by the light of morning in a matter of seconds, illuminating the two as the only darkness not cast out was there shadows.

Queerly, Ran found it passing odd that his shadow was taller than hers despite Conan never appearing so small.

He was an absolute wreck. His grades were slipping rapidly and had avoided his friends ever since she called Shinichi. He seldom ate anymore but when did it was sparingly.

Depressed and guilty as it made her, Ran had no choice but to come to terms with the truth that she couldn't be with him 24/7…

A tear ran down her left eye but scrunching her face, she managed to wipe them off with the side of her sleeve before her little charge was fully awake. She couldn't let him see her cry. She promised.

"...Ran-Nee-Chan?" Conan yawned, his mouth as wide as a Torii gate. Usually Ran would have reprimanded Conan to prevent the learning of bad table habits but after everything they've been through together, she ultimately decided that she would let it slide just this once.

Ran squatted down and ran her fingers through his hair, patted it down at the end. "Go back to sleep Conan-kun." She said a genuine smile on her face.

Gawking with a blush on his face, Conan silently stammered for a minute before finding his voice.

"You… You look beautiful y'know?" Hesitating for a moment with his eyes downcast he continued. "Ran, I'll.. always think you are beautiful. No matter what. Don't ever forget that."

Giggling, Ran closed her eyes, beaming at her young charge. Ran quickly pulled out some tissues out of her pockets to get the solidifying saliva off floor and better yet his face.

Conan was so exhausted from lack of sleep that he nodded off before she was even finished cleaning him. Tucking him in, she kissed him on the cheek and forehead, doing it twice just to show how she loved him.

Gently shutting the door, Ran bent her back against it with her arms spread across the wooden frame, almost as if she was attempting to hug someone from behind her.

She cried again, this time with a smile on her face. Hiccuping a little bit, she imagined the swell of invisible waves upon a sandy beach slowly relax the tenseness that was now stuck to the very core of her being.

Everything inside this house was a caim. She was safe and content with people who genuinely loved and cared for her.

But like how the bubble burst just a couple years, if she stayed her all of her life she wouldn't grow and eventually wither away.

She was not afraid of living her life. She would never allow them to win, no matter what.

Grinning, she half skipped her way into the kitchen, ready to experience the day before.

Inside the kitchen were both of her parents. Her dad was reading a newspaper instead of the Idol Magazines like usual. He looked better, though he was as untidy as ever with his button down shirt opened.

Kogoro had a slight beard that he hadn't really gotten around to shaving. It was odd to look at and kind of silly because it wasn't fully formed, causing Ran to barely stifle a guffaw.

That caused him to look up with a slight grin on his face. "Ohayo!"

Boisterous as ever, Ran happily sat down to chat with him. Other then the small talk (how she was doing, what she intended to do, joking around) there really wasn't much to talk about.

"Wheres Okaa-san?" Ran mused, finally noticing her mother's absence. Kogoro exaggeratedly shook his head to the right, where her mother was…

...cooking.

Grimacing, Ran tried her best to be optimistic. Maybe it wouldn't be that bad. She at least had to try it for the sake of politeness and even then would probably eat anyway out of simple love.

Wafting the surprisingly pleasant smells coming from behind her, Ran turned her head to see the back of her mother, wearing sweatpants and a plain T-shirt, an obvious far cry from the usual prim and proper outfits she wore in public.

Having her mom here was an absolute godsend as directed from the heavens. With someone else to help with the cleaning and other duties of the household, Ran no longer felt like there was such a huge burden on her shoulders, almost like she could be the careless teenager she should have been.

Still, cleaning and all of those things were hardwired into her brain. Mom had futilely attempted to object, insisting that she should let herself be mothered for once, instead of being a mother for everyone else.

All Ran had said in response was that these chores helped ease her troubled mind and the wide, genuine smile that she had on her face made her relent.

Plus there were things… Well… It was kinda hard to explain. Ran wasn't entirely sure if men had their own version of this but there were some things that women could only talk about with other women.

Ran shook the thoughts off. They weren't exactly cheerful conversations but at the very least she felt like a weight was lifted off of her shoulders. The blood tests, the trip to the clinic, her first attempts to deny what Shinichi had done to her-

"Soups on!" Eri exclaimed cheerfully in broken English. She had taken a class in college and her dad had mocked her ever since. Rusty as she was it was certainly much better than her father but not as good as Shin-

Shinic…

The food being set down kept her from descending back into her own thoughts. Her mother had cooked too much, did she think she was starving to death?

In front of her was badly sliced tamagoyaki with a Kewpie mayo smiley face, slightly over seared cut of Salmon, a tiny bowl of Miso Soup, and a couple Onigiri shaped into the vague resemblance of a Panda.

So it wasn't exactly a ten out of ten for presentation, but it was the thought that counts...

Taking a bite, Ran's taste buds were surprisingly surprised at how good it was.

Ran was just so amazed that her mother had cooked something not only edible but delicious as well. "Okaa-san this is good!"

Instead of taking offense by how astonished her daughter was that she didn't accidentally create a WMD banned by Article 9, Eri's eyes grew wide as saucers.

"Really?" Her flushed face lit up in a wide smile, with her dad now no longer pretending to hide his amusement.

Laughing like a lunatic, Kogoro's sides practically split as he gasped for air. "Ha! Have you finally admitted, after all they years, that your cooking SUCKS?!"

Irritated, and with the usual curl of the lips, Eri crossed her arms and showed her disapproval by flicking her head to the side.

"Hmm! Maybe your tongue was the one that sucks, not knowing that a daughter learns how to cook from her mother."

Kogoro took the challenge. "I remember when we first got this apartment and you ate nothing but cheap gas station sushi and when you tried to make some on your own, you overcooked it!"

Eri leaned over the table with a wry Cheshire cat grin, her eyes locked on her ex husband with a mischievous look in her eyes.

"Says the guy who thought a pack of Mentos, Natto, under cooked rice and overcooked hard boiled eggs counts as a meal." Eri dryly replied.

Ran couldn't hold in anymore. A hearty belly laugh escaped from her lungs over how ludicrous the conversation was.

Sensing how the tables had turned, her father was struck silent. "I guess a stopped clock is right twice a day." He grumbled, with a faint smile he hid by downing some Orange Juice.

Beaming happily, Eri went to get some more. Behind her back was when dad decided to disabuse of her notion by subtly winking behind her mom.

Instead of deflating Ran giggled with her father, deciding to hide the truth from her mother so she wouldn't deflate herself.

Eri sat down just in time for the three to eat their meals together with Ran finishing first. It didn't really matter in the end because that gave her time to watch her parents interact with each other positively for once.

It made her sunny disposition grow even brighter. Even if her mother was not longer marries to her father they were a family again, even if for a short while. If there was some good things to come out of this, this was one of them.

Once they finished, her mom tried to collect all the dirty dishes but Kogoro grabbed the china from her in a childish saunter, declaring with pride that he'll do the dishes for once.

Cue the immediate looks of skepticism from his ex-wife and daughter.

Eight minutes later and dad had yet to get a speck of grime off of any of the silverware, resorting to having to scrape it off with his fingernails. Eri rolled her eyes and sat up to help but Ran, as out of shape and hurt as she was, got to the sneak first.

"Here." Reaching for her dad's hand through the scalding hot water, she gently grabbed on to the back of his hand, mindful of the healing knuckles and skeleton thin tarsals. His hirsute palms looked more like an ancient rotting claw of a Liche blanketing it's fleshless frame with leather that sagged and hung uselessly downwards like a kimono two sizes too large. It was a wonder that Ran had remembered the genuinely strong ones that had lifted her up many times when she was little.

Dad jumped a little before inclining his neck to face his only child in wonder. Unnoticed by Ran, this was one of the first times she took the initiative to touch anyone before giving them at the very least non verbal permission.

Finished in a huff, Ran could hear the buzzing signaling that Sonoko was waiting for her. Happy, she practically sprinted out of the apartment, ready for things to return to normal as she refused to hide from the sun any longer.

* * *

 **The last AO3 exclusive chapter. I figured that I owed you guys a update since its been such a long time and you guys are among my oldest and most loyal fans. I'm sorry for ceasing updates its just that college and how impractical FanfictionNet has become. Luckily I have found the solution!**

 **Interesting facts for this chapter: It was originally one big one but I split in three in accordance with the first ASOIAF books.**

 **As in..**

 **Heartwarming.**

 **Dark.**

 **Heartbreaking.**

 **I've ceased promising a time scale because everytime I try and make one, it falls through. I do however hope to get a lot of writing done before second semester.**


End file.
